Our values represent who we are and what we love about ourselves. They are representative of our essence at the very core of our choices. They are the meaning behind our actions and the actions behind our words! 

Although we always know our values, we don’t always represent them. Acting contrary to your values is easy to spot, because you represent an impassionate image of yourself and who you think you ought to be, which is according to someone else’s values, be it your mother, your partner, your associates, your role models or whoever influences your decision making powers.

It’s easy to spot people who are living in accordance with their values, they are content with their lives, they work hard and don’t get tired, the suffer and don’t complain, they maintain a positive attitude, share a positive temperance and have a generally fulfilled sense of gratitude towards life. They are energetic and  refreshing to be around.

At the opposite end of the spectrum it’s easy to recognise people who are living contrary to their values, they are generally unhappy, miserable about life, give little thanks, complain a lot and act as emotional drains. 

Now you can spot the difference, you may wonder why you would ever act contrary to your values? The are two reasons, the first is ignorance, because you have not learnt how to recognise your values, or understood how significant they are to your fulfillment in life.  We have not been educated enough about the relevance of our values to the decisions that we make in life and our successes. But they are inherent in our development and evolution itself is based upon serving it’s highest values. Which in simple terms is to act in order to benefit.  

Secondly we don’t act in accordance with our values because we are busy living according to the values of our peers and people we put on pedestals. This means that instead of figuring things out for ourselves we make choices according to what others think is best for us or according to what we think is socially acceptable. This of course fulfills our value of social acceptance and popularity, but the joys are short lived, because soon we tire ourselves out and feel drained, miserable and once again fall into the same old rut.

What we do passionately says a lot more about our values. What we are proud of in ourselves is a direct representative of our values. We can see people with jobs contrary to their values or lower on the list of their values and all they can talk about is their hobbies. What they put on show are their personal crafts, their works of art, their best clothes, their greatest dance moves or cook their signature dish. Because our values are the things that we have chosen to do to fulfill our essence and not what we do to build up our personalities. Knowing the significance of your essence and personality is very important. 

The most important thing to remember about your values is this. The more you make choices in your life to please others, to fulfill the values of others, to fulfill their expectations of who they think you should be and what they think you should be doing, the less you will trust yourself, the less you will feel secure in yourself, the less you will be proud of yourself, the less you will honour yourself and the less success you will enjoy. Then what you share with your environment and the people around you, closes opportunities for yourself and others and you rain on other people’s parades. 

On the other hand the more you live according to your values in your daily life, the more you will learn to depend on yourself, respect yourself, know yourself, be yourself and love yourself. The greater the trust you will have in yourself to do what is right for you, the more you will appreciate yourself and value yourself, the more you will attract opportunities that fulfill your values, the more success you will enjoy and the more gratitude you will feel for who you are and how you have lived your life. Then you are ready to share this with your environment and the people around you, treating everything with an open and creative nurture.

So, if you want to be fulfilled, stop looking outside to others, expecting them to define you and instead look within, listen and be yourself according to your values. If you want to know how to do that and to do some real work on yourself, then get in touch.

I get a lot of enquiries from people who for one reason or another have been out of work and are having a difficult time finding work again. It is a real moral challenge and a very difficult one. When our sense of security is challenged in such a way that we cannot support ourselves, we begin to feel insecure and vulnerable. We are living in an age of independence and find it difficult to rely on others for help. It can have an effect on all our relationships and as we begin to recline from any activity other than finding work, we become more and more involved in the negative emotions that accompany the challenges we face.

There are no quick fixes. We can do little more than fill out those applications, speak to the agencies and search the web for new opportunities. Meantime we need to be aware of the effects of these difficult times on us and those around us and by doing so regain some control, confidence and security.

The fact is that in these difficult economic times we are bound to feel the strain of hardship one way or another. For some it is worse than for others. Some people I have spoken with are lucky enough to be supported by their family and loved ones. Others are able to find temporary work, others can deal with it by cutting down expenses. But for some it means not getting the health care they need, not being able to pay for their bills, losing their homes, loved ones and all hope for regaining any stability and security in their lives again.

The level of anxiety and pressure varies from person to person. However the solutions are the same for all.

Firstly it is vital that we gain all the support we can from those around us. This means talking about what we are going through. Often talking about it can be difficult and after a while talking about it seems like the last thing we want to do. The same story being repeated everyday. But the frustration that accompanies applying for work and not getting anywhere in this job market has to be addressed before it expresses itself in other ways, such as insecurity in our relationships with others. If we cannot talk to those close to us we may find ourselves feeling lost and lonely. This is not necessary, it is in our nature to listen to one another and to maintain a human connection. We need to ensure that we do this when times are difficult for us in order to maintain stability and perspective on the situation. Often others have a more objective point of view on what is happening and this can be of great help to us when we become disillusioned with our emotional challenges. Talking to someone about it can mean staying accountable to someone to maintain a level of motivation for continuos activity towards the end result.

Secondly we have to treat the situation with as much objectivity as possible. This means being aware of any negative self talk, self blame and self pity and each time responding to it with objectivity. For whatever reason we are at this point in our lives and it is not a permanent state. We will eventually regain all stability and knowing the insecurity that we now know, we will undoubtedly tread with more care and ensure that we secure our positions further. It is important that in life and in every aspect of it, we look at it with a little more objectivity than what we are accustomed to. That means accepting that there are no permanent states of security, continuity and permanence. Everything goes through the cycle of life and death, loss and gain, success and failure, love and hate, and this is something that we have to become accustomed to experiencing with observation and grace. 

There is no denying the emotional and mental challenge of the ups and downs. When we lose our sense of security we are left in a state of anxiety and panic. Our irrational behavioural and intellectual patterns become evident and we try to comfort ourselves by replacing the need with a different kind of attachment. At these time taking distance and relieving the pressure can mean something different to each of us.

The next thing we can do to help ourselves is to maintain a clear perspective of what is happening by finding a way to balance ourselves. Each of us can do something to recharge our emotional batteries. This can make all the difference so as minute as it seems it is vitally important. We need to ask ourselves, what can I do to take a break and refresh myself from everything? A run, a night in with some friends, a chat with someone you know energises you, cooking a nice meal, taking a bath, yoga, meditation, whatever it is, make sure that it adds to your energy and does not take away from it. There’s no need to go into further distinctions, we all know what does and does not work. This is an activity that needs to take place in our lives regularly and should not be costly in time or money. So making a special effort to make some time for a walk is a gesture to ourselves that we are doing this solely for the purpose of maintaining our emotional health and happiness. For those who already have experience of the benefits of such an exercise you know how much of a difference it makes, for those who haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Once we have taken care of our personal human needs, we can approach our goal with a fresh mind and attitude and that is two fold, one to sustain our current circumstances so that they do not get worse and two, to improve it. The solution to both is often the same. In order to be confident, motivated and passionate again about going out there, filling out applications and attending interviews we need to be emotionally charged. We need to be free from all negative self talk and detrimental emotional states. When we meet with our next manager, when we make our next business move, when we meet our next partner, we want to represent our true selves, the self that knows and loves the challenges that life presents and can handle them responsibly rather than reactively. 

The motivation that we are so in need of will come out of doing things that are going to release positive energy flows within us. That means doing something right for ourselves. Go out there and take a walk, run, jog, meditate, breathe well, dance, sing and do what you have to. Talk to people about what is happening in a resourceful manner, share your experience with others and give them guidance on how to deal with the same. Meantime with your new energy consistently make a fresh effort to manage and improve your state of personal security. Remembering that in life everything has a cycle and that change is the only permanence we can rely on, so empower yourself to deal with change.

Confidence is a popular area in coaching. Every client I have worked with has wanted confidence coaching. There is a lot to be said about what confidence actually means to us. It is a very personal concept and means something different to each and everyone of us. This shows just how important an area it is for self discovery and personal development. Confidence can make the difference in our lives because it emphasises our strengths by unveiling and nourishing our unique individual assets.

The way to approach issues around confidence is to embrace the feelings of insecurity with an alert and accepting attitude. Often we can feel overwhelmed and embarrassed by feelings of insecurity, we don’t read them correctly, we try to hide them, deny them, push them away fight them and even fight others over them. These are all a waste of time and energy. In fact we every time we do these things we are harming ourselves. 

Instead the approach that you need to take is a much more pro-active one. This is where the real difference is to be made in your life. When those feelings of insecurity and lacking of confidence arise in you, they are signals that you are not completely happy with yourself and that you need to do some work on yourself. More importantly these feelings are telling you that you need to gather your resources, educate yourself and develop yourself in the particular area that you are feeling the lack. 

The context of where confidence may be lacking will be different each time, maybe it’s work related and needing to train on extra skills or gaining the trust and confidence of your team. Maybe it’s at home and about cooking skills, or being a calmer, happier and more effective parent. In every case the solution is to listen to what your feelings are telling you and to do something about it.  There is a lot that you can do to increase your confidence by developing the part of you that is nagging. The greatest change you can make today is to listen to yourself, do not ignore the signs, they will keep arising and may even produce themselves in other areas of your life. 

Once you can read your emotional signals you are in the driving seat, you can choose whether to see someone about the correct weight change or exercises for your body, you can choose whether to request some additional training at work or increase your opportunities, or get help with draining habits, get counseling to deal with a challenging past, develop your interpersonal skills and to really live your life to the full. Developing confidence is always within your grasp, it is always something that you can take action about. It requires self awarenss and self acceptance with a proactive attitude. Once we have changed our attitude towards confidence, the rest is about a working progress.

NLP or NeuroLinguistic Programming was developed by Bandler and Grinder who studied the behaviour and psychology of excellence in successful people. It uses techniques and exercises that provide simple, yet powerful solutions to those who want real change in themselves.

The benefits of NLP are  many. It evaluates and determines values and beliefs, it uncovers subtle and limiting beliefs and challenges conflicts.  Negation of action and therefore procrastination, self sabotage and dissatisfaction are all down to uncovered and unresolved conflicts. NLP coupled with coaching provide clear and simple solutions.

It works with our thought processes to develop resourceful states and instill new patterns that are useful to us and all those in our sphere of influence. 

However, NLP is so much more than a solution, it is also a strategy. Built upon modeling excellence, it provides strategies for modeling which can be used within any context to achieve excellence.

The results can be seen in the way we manage ourselves; our thoughts, beliefs, states, physiology, behaviours and actions. It therefore allows us to shape ourselves to be whom we choose to be and achieve the results we choose to achieve.

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed or overjoyed with the challenges you face, NLP with coaching is useful. It will push your boundaries and get the most out of you and your life. Coaching is very much related to NLP, it is an experience that will make the difference. Coaching was reserved for executives, leaders, seniors and those who were fortunate. It is now an opportunity that is made available to all and a valuable investment in personal development.

My style of coaching is committed to the successful development of my client. It is thorough, wholesome and effective. I challenge my clients to get the best out of themselves and encourage them to perform effectively. My clients range from creative musicians to corporate managers. Personal growth, personal performance and leadership skills develop excellence  and are not limited by context. They add value to the lives of all those who are fortunate enough to take responsibility for their progress and growth.

If you would like to develop yourself and improve your life and productivity then get in touch for a consultation and take the first step towards a richer more fulfilled way of living.

Working on ourselves, self improvement and self development have always been a part of who we are as human beings. Always growing, always looking for the better, always trying to achieve more. It’s our natural tendency.

As part of the work that we do on ourselves any sincere developments must be done by way of self observation. Self observation is at first the idea we have of being able to see ourselves for what we are. In practice it is the recording of our habitual ways of thinking, feeling, moving and being in order to develop a backlog of data about ourselves which we can later use to understand and correct ourselves. As we are we need to align ourselves and awaken, this can only be achieved through long term self observation.

Self observation is the key to self consciousness, to knowing ourselves without which there is no work to be done on ourselves. Therefore self observation is the tool for becoming aware, conscious beings. There are many things that stand in the way of self observation; imagination, lack of attention and a lack of understanding about how to correctly observe ourselves. If we succeed to experience self observation we soon realise that we cannot observe ourselves for long periods of time, because our old habits which used to prevent us from observing now won’t let us observe ourselves.

However  it is only by way of observing ourselves that we can correctly arrive to a point of change, real sincere change, in confidence, in stopping bad habits, in understanding why we enter the same failing relationships, why we suffer from depression and anxiety, why we eat the things we do, why we are living and working exactly where we are as who we are and why we love to moan about it.

Self observation is the optimum pathway to any work on oneself and to self consciousness, without which any work done on ourselves is superficially  and temporarily adopted, not understood and will soon fail. Lasting change is the by-product of self observation.

Self observation is the mirror of all truths, sincere and powerful it is the only objective answer that matters, if we can succeed to observe ourselves we soon learn that everything else that we have known till now literally made no sense.

If you would like to learn more about this and be coached contact SelfState.

Here is a taste of Coaching just for you!

Coaching is all about movement directed towards an aim or a goal in life, in essence its about understanding where you are and discovering where you want to be and then planning your path to your desired destination. 

Everyone and everything is in motion, the planets, the stars, our bodies, our mind and emotional states, our awareness, time etc… they’re all in motion and they are moving onwards and ahead.

Applying this concept to yourself think about where you want to be in 3 years from now. 3 years ahead in time is quite a tangible future to think about and also enough time to make some really powerful choices. When you are thinking about what you would like to achieve try to think about what would add more value to your life. I say this because ultimately we all want to live fulfilled happy lives, but what does that really mean? It means living a life according to the values and beliefs that are close to our hearts. 

Ask yourself in 3 years time, what would I like to have achieved that would make me proud?

Write it out in as much detail as possible. Is there a particular area of your life that you would like to transform? Here are some ideas:

• establish yourself in your career
• a change of career
• get a qualification to do something you really enjoy
• set up your own business
• write a book
• loose weight and have the healthy figure you’ve always wished for
• have a baby

These are all life changing events. So in 3 years you could change your life and with a little direction make changes that can bring you lasting happiness. Off course you don’t have to do it in 3 years, I’m using this as an example. Some people achieve in 3 years what others achieve in 1. It’s up to you, but I find 3 years is long enough to consider achieving your life changing goals realistically and without added pressure.

To help you further divide you goal into tangible realistic stages, maybe ask someone who has already achieved what you want to achieve to help you do this. Establishing realistic stages will also help you to measure your progress and know that you are on the right track. 

Remember if your goals do not match your values and beliefs then you are in conflict and achieving them could be difficult and harmful. Here are some core values that are commonly considered to bring us happiness. Weigh up your goals against these and mark them out of 10 to see how much your goals are in congruence with your values, you can add your own values to the list. 

• family
• community
• personal satisfaction
• excellence
• honesty
• passion
• self esteem
• security
• stability
• spirituality
• health

Now consider this. What would achieving this goal change about the way you live today? It’s an important question right? because it prepares you for the adaptations that you will have to make, it asks you to consider what you are doing now that isn’t going to work or help you achieve this goal and what you are doing currently that will help you achieve it. Therefore it prepares you for the practicality of achieving your goal.

This also turns our attention to where you are now. 

It’s important to be able to look at yourself and assess your current situation fairly and openly.

Consider the following in assessing where you are now:

• What are you doing so far towards achieving your goal? (what can you do to increase these activities?)
• Who do you know that can support you in achieivng your goal? (how can you extend your network and supporting community?)
• What resources do you need to help you achieve your goal? (how can you improve and increase your resources?)
• What is the next step for you to bring you closer to your goal? (or bring your goal closer to you? its a two way relationship!)

So you have now had a taste of coaching, it’s a positive and intriguing practice and it invites you to enhance the way you live. If you have enjoyed this session and would like in depth one to one or group sessions, or you know someone who could benefit from coaching then get in touch with me.

Establishing powerful goals in your daily life is the key to achieving the results you want to achieve rather than what you’re left with.

So what are the key steps to establishing powerful goals:

Your goals should be;

Specific – write your goals in as much detail as possible as often as possible
Measurable – you must be able to measure your goals according their nature and in time
Achievable – set yourself goals that you can achieve practically, use journey goals to break down your goals into practical stages
Realistic – there’s dreaming and then there’s actualising your dreams, set yourself realistic targets towards achieving your goals, this is how you can make your dreams come true!
Tangible – Your goals should be tangible, to do this think about what you can do in order to bring yourself closer to goals and bring your goals closer to you, it is a two way relationship!

Often your goals will be an image of the final product. Therefore it is important to set journey goals, even daily goals that will bring you closer to the final vision. Remember achieving the final vision or the final goal will only bring you momentary joy, who you become in the process brings you lasting happiness.

Lets take an example: you want to be in a healthy relationship, but you feel lonely, you think that there is no one out there that you will make a real connection to, you don’t really enjoy going out and meeting new people and you lack confidence in yourself because of past experiences and lack of self esteem.

The goal now seems far away. However if you follow the SMART model you can bring your goal closer to you. Often goals need to broken into different stages to develop a realistic path to achieving them. The final vision is a great motivator, but the first step of the journey always begins within.

Achieving any goal means adaptation and change. No matter what the goal is unless you being to think and approach the goal with a new attitude and take new action you will achieve the same results you always have.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship but you feel lonely and think there’s no one out there for you then because of this conflict in your goal and your personal beliefs you will be unlikely to find or stay in a positive and healthy relationship. So you can establish changing your attitude towards relationships as one of your journey goals.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship but you’re uncomfortable with going out and meeting new people then find ways around this. Another journey goal could be to socialise with your current friends, colleagues, family, networks and like minded people more often with the aim to enjoy the love and richness of the connections you are already making with the many many wonderful people in your life now. This will boost your happiness, confidence and chances are that someone will know someone who, well could be just the person for you.

If you lack self esteem because of past experiences and you find yourself making the same mistakes, allowing people to treat you badly, or just not having the love and joy of being who you are, then this will conflict with the values you attach to being lovable. In that case you will find a way of ruining any good chances for yourself. So another one of your journey goals could be to boost your self esteem. This is one of the most common and fundamental factors in relationship damage. Lacking self esteem is the reason people find themselves living lives that are unfulfilling, leaving them drained, angry and generally not enjoying life no matter how much wealth, beauty, passion and love they may possess.

There’s so much more to setting powerful goals then at first meets the eye. However we are moving on and up in our lives, whether we’re just surviving or at the top of the game effective goal setting will make astounding differences in who we are and the way we live.