Self State

To start with I would like to say that Consciousness is the Identification of Energy. Therefore for anyone who thinks that they have overcome Identification, think again, there are as many levels of Identification, as there are differences in the vibrational frequency, between you, and No-Thingness.

On a far more Human level though, Identification is that quality of the state of Sleep, which deludes the Human with thinking “I am this, or I am that”. I am this body, I am this name, I am this class, I am these clothes, I am this car, I am this job… All the things which identify the Being with this character, created for it by circumstances, limiting the being to its surroundings and basic preliminary experiences of who it is.

In fact, in its natural state, the human being is simply always Identified, reacting under various influences, and completely asleep as to what is going on. Sleep induces Identification, and vice versa.

Sleep then, refers to the inactivated Awareness of the Human Being, before and during the Transitional state of developing its Awareness. Awareness at every level means an increased level of data gathered, giving the Being an increased number of Choices between the influences it is under, and thereby the Ability to manifest them. The Human Being is a Reproductive Machine, who in a state of Dreaming believes it is the Creator of its life in every sense.

During this time, when Awareness is Asleep, the psyche, that is the very essence of the Personality, (which at this time is in fact the False Personality), manifests itself through the Ego, just like a computer game character manifests itself on the screen. But imagine if the character on the screen, suddenly thinks, “I am doing this, I am here building this house, I am here dating this girl, I am here making these children, I am here at war now, for this great reason that exists, and all of this is real.” The Character of course needs some level of Ego identity, it needs a name that belongs to it, a look that is unique to it, and all the other things that can make it uniquely identifiable amongst others.

In the same way, the Ego can be distinguished very easily in each and every one of us. It is the part that thinks, speaks, and does on behalf of “I”. As long as there is an “I” “Me” and “My”, there is Ego, and this Ego, this “I”, will need to be fed, decorated, paraded in front of others, (because of course, it thrives on attention), and internally, it will need to be upheld as the most vital and important part of our being, without which our world would collapse.

The Ego values itself for better or worse against others. It is the part that will act for “I”, is obsessed with the dramas of the world of “I”, and is neither connected, or lives truly for the whole.

It is therefore the most beautiful part of our journey, and also the beginning of it, when the Ego meets its death. This death that is so famously known as the “death before death”, and comes at a great cost, your life as you know it.

Before going on to the death of the Ego, we must understand the important part that the Ego has played in the development of our Consciousness. In the absence of Awareness, it has been the Ego who has driven the Sleeping Being, the Ego who has protected and established the Sleeping Being’s identity in its world. Without the Ego, there would have been little advancement till now for the Being, and for the Collective.

And now, only when the Collective Consciousness has reached the point in its Evolution, where it has experienced enough of the Ego, are We all ready to receive a Higher Awareness.

The Ego, in order to mask and sustain itself will use a variety of glamorous and self-indulgent techniques, to hold on to the power it has over the Sleeping Being. For when the Sleeping Being is given Awareness, the Ego will cease to exist.

This is of course related to the Seven Sins, which are typically the characteristics of the Ego. For example the Ego in using Vanity, will either self loathe or self worship, valuing itself for better or for worse against others. In both cases this creates a huge emotional dependency in the Sleeping Being to assert itself (here I am, this is me, and look what I have done), and this soon develops the need to rely on the Ego, to fulfil this Emotional Lack. Emotions are the Horses of the Horse and Carriage (see Mastering the Self), without them, there is no drive to do anything.

There is absolutely no difference for the Ego, whether the drive is based on positive or negative emotions, all that matters is that the Ego, is fed its daily source of attention and energy. And that Awareness does not take its place.

In order to maintain its status, the Ego will also fight to the death. There is no need to go ahead with further explanations on this. Any person who is even slightly aware, can see how unnecessarily inhumane and destructive our Ego based decisions have been on a Collective level for us, and our world.

It is important to understand the Ego, both on an Individual and Collective level, in fact the processes, and characteristic qualities are both the same. It is for this reason that as Consciousness changes on a Collective level, so does it change on an Individual level, and vice versa.

There is a lot of material available on Ego, but now it is time to let go of the Ego, and connect with our true Essence.

In one of my favourite stories called “The Two Rivers” written by Gurdjieff, in his book ‘Views from the real World’, he describes it like this:

“If a man were deprived of his illusions and all that prevents him form seeing reality – if he were deprived of his interests, his cares, his expectations and hopes – all his strivings would collapse, everything would become empty and there would remain an empty being, an empty body, only physiologically alive.

This would be the death of “I”, the death of everything it consisted of, the destruction of everything false collected through ignorance or inexperience. All this will remain in him merely as material, but subject to selection. Then a man will be able to choose for himself and not have imposed on him what others like. He will have conscious choice.

This is difficult. No, difficult is not the word. The word “impossible” is also wrong, because, in principle, it is possible, only it is a thousand times more difficult than to become a multimillionaire through honest work.”

It is important to read this passage again, fully paying attention to the meaning of the words in their Literal sense. To be deprived of one’s interests, cares, expectations and hopes! What are we without these? What would we do without these? For all of our strivings to collapse, for everything to become empty and live only physiologically! How hard would this be for the self important Ego?

The Ego has built a whole world around its own interests, cares, expectations and hopes. It has built this world based on what it has picked up over the years in order to form its “Identity”. The Ego has created the “Character” that has been developed by these interests and cares, which aren’t real, but at least they are “Something”. When I say that they aren’t real, I mean that the interests, cares, expectations and hopes are not really his, they are characteristics of his temporary life, they serve no real purpose for his development, and are merely a Distraction, whilst the Real World passes him by. It’s like the character in the computer game. The Ego is not interested in anything but itself, it is not interested in anyone else but itself, and it has no one else’s interests in mind, but its own.

How can it live deprived of these? What if one by one all of your interests, your cares, your expectations, and hopes were taken away from you? What if you could do nothing that would result in cultivating these? What if you lost all that you lived for? Then you would really have to face your own Emptiness, or No-Thingness, and know what you are made of. Because without all that which has been given to you, what excatly are you? What are you that is your own? Nothing!

It is hard to exist without the dramas we Identify ourselves with. It is hard to imagine what we would be like without them. They form our characters, and fill our days. Life would stop moving forward without them, days and nights would become one, pure potential takes over, and manifestation ceases to be. A long time is passed running around like a headless chicken, trying to put things right again, but to no avail. All the basic emotions of fear, denial, anger, and acceptance run their course till their cycles are finally exhausted, and emotions become futile and meaningless in their existence, without anything to attach to.

The Mind reaches a point within, where it can only survive on Hope, and Faith. Only at this time do these words come into true existence, when literally all else has failed and nothing else exists. When one is faced with one’s own No-Thingness and Inability to Do or Be any particular thing. It is here when all your strivings fail, that you face life, and wonder how do the sequences of reason and action flow in me? From where do they begin? Why? and Where do they go? Because, I certainly am not making them happen, and even when I thought that it was me, I was dreaming!

Naturally the Ego will fight for its life for as long as it can. This could stretch over years. Your life could have fallen apart, and waiting for the Ego to Surrender, for years! A suffering beyond imagination unless it has been experienced. Without attachments to our daily Identifications, life becomes a very different and strange place indeed!

Finally only when one reaches the Limit beyond which the Ego cannot carry on, will the Ego surrender. The Limit is a very definitive point in the process. It is when all the parts know at once together, that to carry on, they must all Surrender.

These are dark times, and when one finally, and truly Surrenders, the death occurs. If one is lucky, all of this happens with a Guide, but it does often happen alone, and the Guide appears at the time of death, when the struggle come to an end.

From the point of Surrender, it all changes. A new influence takes over, the Ego is released, in what feels just as much like a physical death, as an Ego one, and the body empty is breathed into again with a new flow of energy.

This level of the Transitional stage of Ascension is the most difficult, it is the most painful, because the stage most full of Fear, Doubt and Disbelief. After this stage, a new life begins again, and the person is Transformed completely.

It is hard to say exactly what brings about the process of the death of the Ego. Many have tried for a long time to lose it, others fool themselves that it has already happened, and carry on with Spiritual work, all the time the Ego is there. The Ego cannot hide, it is not transparent, it shows its face at every opportunity for Gratification, Power and Admiration.

Certainly a strong Intention for change is required, and then a continuous and consistent study of the self through Observation. The greatest tool of all is Observation of the self and others, without judgement, without a negative or a positive reaction, without any reaction in fact. Simply to Observe and gather the data, this is what this feels like, sounds like, looks like, thinks like and so on. The more data that is collected, the more Awareness is nourished, and in doing so the greater the change which occurs internally naturally.

In Truth all we have to do, is place ourselves under the influence of the transformation and change, and the rest Occurs Naturally. The idea that we have to “do” something is wholly incorrect, and must be dropped along with the rest of our false beliefs and identifications with what we are doing here. The ability to “do” is one that belongs to Highest of the Ascended masters, those who have no Individual Personality or Identity, and are manifest only of the Will of the One. The law of Influence binds everything below this, and here we now have the possibility to give ourselves the gift of Increased Choices, and to place ourselves under a Higher Influence. Higher of course, refers to Vibrational Frequency of Energy, and not as a value.

At every level the veils of Identity must be dropped, and the Honest Mirror is Observation.

There are many people out there who are Consciously experiencing this significant Transitional Stage in our history, looking for resources to help them heal their suffering, whilst nurturing their Soul Manifestation. Unconditional Love is a great facilitator in the integration required at this time. It has its own unique qualities, energetically, and comes straight from The Law of One: “We are all members of one family. We do not discriminate who we love, and who we reach. We reach out to all. Even those who know no love. Even those who cannot love, and even those who have forgotten what love is.” This energy is the quality of the Higher Heart and there are as many teachings around this as there have been beings who needed it.

The concept of Unconditional Love has to be correctly understood. In the grand order of Creation, Love is the only healer, it is the bringer of Life Energy. Love for the self, Love for others, Love for our planet and Love for Creation. Love as the lowest entropy removes all unnecessary tensions and obstacles from its path, and places us under the influence of Least Resistance.

The Love that is required for healing is not the Love that comes from ego trauma based emotions and attachments. The Love that is required for healing, is deeply connected to the Higher Self, which in turn is connected with higher orders of Creation, all the way to the Law of One. Therefore in order to experience this Love, one must first learn to manifest it. This Love cannot be experienced without Education, Obervation and Development. It does not grow as a natural attribute of the human being’s personality.

The human being’s personality based emotions are limited, because they manifest from a source of trauma. Therefore not even the illusion of Love can manifest in, or from this state. This trauma is a part of the human psyche, and is a result of the disconnection of the human being from its Source. This is a common attribute of the majority of people in our World. The nature of this disconnection is deeply embedded in fear and identification. Therefore of itself, the human personality is incapable of producing the kind of Love that is required to heal, and the quality of Love that is Unconditional. That is why we suffer deeply, and why we cannot find a satisfying solution in superficial remedies.

Without this Unconditional Love, the human being cannot Evolve, it cannot Grow, because it cannot Heal. The cycle of suffering will not end, because it is left on repeat until the pattern is broken. The pattern must be broken individually. Without this there is no Ascension for the human being. Therefore there is no Ascension as a Collective Consciousness, and really we are left with no other indication, other than to cultivate this Love by Work on the Self.

Each and every one of us is on this journey, at our respective levels, and required to experience our life’s learning, in order to Evolve our Consciousness on an individual scale. By doing so, we Evolve our Collective Consciousness on a mass scale, and Energetically throughout the Space Time dimensions. This means that we all come here at different levels, because the Awareness that is now available, is able to Educate and Ascend the Consciousness that has always been with us, to its subjective higher level. The implications of Personal Responsibility here are greater than first imagined. We all represent a piece of the puzzle of the Creation Consciousness.

What is important is to make that decision, and learn how to bring this Energy into our lives. Once it has been accessed, it will reach all areas of our life, bringing with it all the Light Elements that are needed to eliviate pressures, and bring calm, peace and happiness, and even order to chaos.

The Energy of Unconditional Love is an attribute of the Collective Consciousness of Creation. Therefore it does not have a personality based agenda, it does not have an individual subjective need. This means that it does not have an Ego, which is why it is able to transcend all levels of Creation and Limitation.

Our limited personality needs, are subjective to our basic fear based survival needs, and to make up for the personality lack that we perceive within ourselves. We all know lack very well, it is related to Soul Poverty, which is a condition deeply connected with the Conscious Evolution of Human Beings. Although we imagine ourselves to be quite able beings, we are in reality defected and deformed versions of ourselves. What we therefore need is Healing, Education and Development on all levels of our being, which will then slowly reform, strengthen and enlighten our manifestation.

The main aspect of all of this is the realisation that nothing in itself comes from us individually. At this level we are quite incapable in that sense, of Creating anything. This is not be confused with that which we Automatically Manifest. To speak of Creating, is to speak  of something wholly different.

We are great Carriers of Data, Information, Behaviours, Attitudes, Opinions and Beliefs. But they are all picked up in an unconscious, Accidental and clumsy sort of way. There is no Conscious Intention behind what we absorb and spew out! In turn, when we realise this, change can occur, and we only realise this through suffering. Those who do not suffer, are not yet aware of their Conditioning, an aspect of Realisation is manifested by suffering on various levels of our being, and once the suffering begins it creates the need to find what will make it stop.

There is a great tendency to remain ‘in control’ of what is happening, and therefore one can be lost in Ego for a long time. After all, it has served so well in holding up the lost and broken pieces of our Beings for so long. But  Real Solutions will not arise here, and the pain will continue beneath the facade. However if Ego is relinquished, and Consciousness is developed through Healing, Education and Observation, a Transformation occurs on a scale that is unrecognisable in comparison to the suffering of previous states.

Unconditional Love is an attribute of the Creation that we have come from, and forgotten. It is inevitable that as information carriers of Consciousness, we will eventually all have to  arrive to the point of Harmonic Unity with it, in order to facilitate our Collective Consciousness on its own journey of Evolution. Only Unconditional Love is able to create such a Transition on a plane of such suffering as ours. Each of us will eventually know, where and how to find it.

Q: How can you ever truly know if you can trust someone?

A: This is a question that has come up often recently amongst all age groups and asked by both men and women. In my experience there’s no discrimination when it comes to the issue of trust, we are all vulnerable in this regard, that is until we have established some definite truths in ourselves.

Before you go any further in the analysis of your relationship to trust, clarify something personally, individually, make a note of what trust means to you, what do you mean when you say you trust someone? We’ll continue this thread at the end.

We all know that issues of trust are closely related to two aspects of our personality, the first is our past experiences and how we have interpreted them with respect to what they say about us, and the second is the expectations we put on others based on our hopes and fears. Exploring our personal and unique blue print around this issue by first looking at our personal experiences and then outlining our expectations of those in relation with us, is the perfect starting point. This will give us the data we require to identify our habits and behaviours further when exploring the issue of trust from a much more interesting perspective, that which Gurdjieff referred to as the multiplicity of “I’s,” and that tool which we can all use to identify ourselves and others for who they truly are, “Our Values”.

A good place to start is to assess yourself with respect to trust, how trustworthy are you? Honestly? This will to some extent answer what you can tolerate from others relative to their proximity to you. The closer and older the relationship, the stronger your expectations are enforced. In some areas we are less likely to behave according to social conforms and acceptances, based on the amount of nurturing and discipline that we experienced growing up, we establish our own stance to society’s rules of conduct and behaviour. Based on how our guardians related to one another and to us, we establish how we will expect others tho relate to us. Therefore if a child experienced abandonment from a parent, they’re more likely to fear abandonment and expect it in relationships when they are older. Simply put, our childhood relationships will be mirrored in our adulthood unless there is a conscious intervention to alter this. If a child has been abused by a family member upon whom they are dependent, the trust in that relationship is broken and therefore the child grows with a defective relationship to authority and personal relationships. This will be the mirror of the cycle of their relationships, which is ultimately a reflection of their relationship with themselves.

These are the patterns we must begin to observe in ourselves. What we may ideally expect from our relations and what we experience may be two different things. How is this? A young child  who experienced the wrath of an aggressive father may grow up to experience the same attitude in an authoritative figure, e.g. a boss at work. The way that others relate to us, sometimes instinctively, without knowing us, is very much based on the early experiences which built our self image, the one we project on an instinctive level. This is something that will take a period of self reflective analysis to explore properly.

Once we have had a good look at our own individual circumstances, observed the patterns and noted the cycles, we can gain some level of control over the relationships we choose to have, because the image we project of ourselves will be one of self awareness of a particular set of values. The secret power of self awareness is that it recognises awareness in others. The stronger your powers of observation are in yourself, the more you are able to observe others, the more data you collect in your own habits, behaviours, attitudes, beliefs, insecurities etc, the more data you will be able to observe in others.

Now, beneath the personalities that clothe each of us in our individuality, our naked truths are the same. This is where Gurdjieff was the master of all observers, he knew what it truly meant that humans have a multiplicity of I’s. A man goes to bed promising himself to awaken the next morning fresh and early and go for a morning run. Morning comes and another part of him silences the alarm clock. Between these two I’s in him, there is a disappointing sense of a lack of will and achievement and a third critical I is empowered. One day he promises its his last packet of cigarettes, the next day he makes up for the tension he caused for himself. Humans are multiple beings, they have multiple desires, multiple commitments, a multiplicity of opposing needs, hopes, dreams and promises unkept. One day its “till death do us part” and the next its “see you later”.

How does this relate to the issues of trust? On a natural and instinctive level, it demonstrates that you can only trust one another to be ever changing, to be a multiplicity and to some extent to abide by the social conforms and rules that govern the particular community you happen to inhabit.

More than this the concept of trust that we hold close to our hearts is related to a sense of safety, honour and promise. So we may trust guardians to protect their children, we may trust our friends with respect to the honour we bestow upon them to be in relationship with us, and we may trust those we enter into a promissory or legally recongnised relationship with, such as spouses, contractors, business partners etc. However more often in reality we see that the trust that is natural in these relationships is broken by one or both parties due to a lack of commitment to the values that the relationships were based on.

So what does this mean? Can we not trust others? Can we only trust them to act in a manner of inconsistency and therefore can we no longer hold someone accountable for the promises they make or the value of their responsibilities, for e.g. of a parent to child? To some extent the truth is that we cannot trust anyone to be as we expect them to be, ordinarily human nature does not enjoy the discipline that can merit trust in the absolute sense of its meaning. In reality in most modern societies all our relationships are governed by rules of conduct, religious beliefs, social customs, and laws that instill a sense of responsibility, fear and punishment in response to the question of trust. However, although this may resolve a financial loss, it may resolve a custody case, it may prove as an example, yet it does nothing to answer the real question, nor provide a real solution to the problem of trust.

If you truly wish to trust someone, you must first identify what trust means to you. Where do you stand in your relationship with yourself? Are you certain about who you are? Have you defined yourself? Are you certain about what your values are? Are you certain that in your relationships you project your sense of self worth and your values to your benefit? Or do you act to your detriment? If you are certain about these answers, then you are unchanging where they are concerned,  you know who you are and can hold yourself accountable and responsible. If you are not certain about your values then you must leave room for a multiplicity of experiences to manifest in that area. As with all things, if you don’t know what you want, then you’ll get whatever comes.

When you are identifying others, remove your expectations from them, let them manifest their own values, and observe what rules they govern with over themselves. Observe their values and where they are not defined, then you must leave room for multiplicity.

The truth is that we can only trust others to be themselves, to be the manifestations of their beliefs and values, and their multiplicities. Beyond that we must first learn to establish our own values, learn to trust ourselves in manifesting them, and then attract those who share the same values and common goals. To that end we can trust them to act in order to fulfill the shared values and goals.

Our understanding of trust is in constant evolution. Our hopes and ideals are that we may live in a mutually responsible state of consciousness, of mutual respect and love, which ultimately equates to mutual trust. Or does it? Change is the only constant, and in today’s world change is the only norm, change in minds, change in hearts, change in jobs, change in partners, change in parents, change in children, we can trust this to be the norm. Therefore what can we really trust and rely on? What we stand for, our personal and shared values, they never change.

Recently a growing number of people have expressed their difficulties in understanding why they can’t find the energy to study, or why they can’t stop smoking even when it harms them, or why they can’t focus on their goals, and instead end up doing things that distract them.

In essence these are all referring to an inability to Master themselves, and having become familiar with the teachings of Gurdjieff on the relationship between the emotional, intellectual and physical centres of our beings,I wanted to share some interesting points in this post that might help to guide the way.

Gurdjieff made an interesting analogy where he compared the body, intellect and emotions, to a carriage with a driver and horses. The carriage is the body, the horses are the emotions, and the driver is the intellect.

This analogy is designed to show you that something very important is missing without which, the horses, the carriage and the driver, can wander around aimlessly, without serving a particular purpose. Each with their own idea of what they should be doing.

Therefore when the intellect says lets not smoke anymore, lets wake up early in the morning and go for a run, lets meditate, lets study etc etc.. the body says I’m too sleepy, tired, cold, hot etc.. and the emotions say but I’m too angry, sad, tense or happy to.

Such is the relationship between the horse, carriage and driver, that they cannot rule over one another. They often steal one another’s energy to do their own work, and they have a broken communication between themselves, that is, they do not speak the same language.

The missing figure is the Master, the Master which now gives a purpose to the very existence of the horse, carriage and driver.

We know that the carriage represents the body, the horses represent the emotions and the driver represents the intellect. And what does the Master represent? Awareness.

Awareness is the very substance of Consciousness, it is the part that is able to Observe, Witness and Discern. It is also the part that is meant to rule and be the will for the horses, carriage and driver to carry out their functions.

This means that without Awareness, or the Master telling the driver where to go, the driver may wander aimlessly, going near or far, with no point to its exercise. As the function of the driver is to drive, he doesn’t care where he goes, he was made for driving and nothing else, he may enjoy driving well, but that still does not give him a purpose, only a refined ability.

Without the Master the horses would get no training, emotions run wild,  the intellect only drives the carriage, it can’t tame the emotions, they will wander haphazardly running wild one minute, still the next, always sloppy and unrefined, causing a scene!

Without the Master making sure that the carriage is kept clean, it would soon become wrecked and uninhabitable.

We are all only Awareness that is carried and expressed by the body, intellect and emotions.

It is the Master’s responsibility to look after, train, nourish and maintain the horses, carriage and driver. The Master must feed to nourish the body that carries him, making sure it’s kept clean, the mechanisms work properly, and it is habitable. He must communicate with precision and clarity to his driver where he wants to go, so that his driver can plan the journey ahead, and make the necessary calculations. The emotions that energise, accompany and carry him forward on his journey, need to be trained and learn to respond with availability and presence to different stimuli.

The Master is the Awareness that is embodied in the physical body. This physical reality is an organism that the Master animates, without him, it would cease to exist. He is Awareness.

When there is confusion, and the driver wanders off the path way, it is because the intellect is trying to direct the way for the Master, wandering off aimlessly, costing him time and resources, getting  lost and confused. It can’t discern the way because it does not share the purpose of the Master, it is the driver of his carriage, and it can only organise what it is told to.

When there is an outburst of negative emotions, it is because the horses tried to direct the way, without his guidance this isn’t possible, for they are only reactive to stimulants, and have not got the ability to discern when to roam, and when to be still.

When the body is lazy, addicted, and ill, it is because the carriage tried to take charge, and couldn’t maintain deliberate actions, habitual in its manner, it got used to being without discipline, and unknowing of the difference between that which is good for it, and that which makes it ill.

Without the Master, they each tried to execute their will upon the other. The intellect tried to rule over the emotions, and failed miserably because they did not speak the same language. So for a while the intellect ignored the emotions, and tried to pull the carriage alone, but found that without the energy of the emotions, there was no movement, like a carriage without its horses.

The emotions then tried to direct they way, but crashed and rose inconsistently, wasting energy, and causing fatigue and illness in the body. The body then tried its hand at ruling, and got lost in consuming and achieved nothing.

They didn’t know how to work together, they didn’t know what language the other speaks, they didn’t share a common goal, and they didn’t have a common direction.

They only lived to satisfy themselves. They soon learned that each has its own specific functions, and that they could only determine their own work, and not the work of the others. But they needed training to do their jobs properly.

The struggle between these three, and their broken relationship is clear to the Master and invisible to the eyes of those who have not yet seen it. Most people go through their whole lives living in this struggle and eventually wear themselves out, never becoming aware of which part of their horses and carriage they are satisfying. Certainly they lack Awareness and no matter how hard they try, without Awareness, the results are just incomplete.

The Master’s throne was empty for a long time, when they had enough of squabbling amongst themselves, they prepared for him to come in. When the Master first came to take charge, they were afraid, lazy, arrogant, ignorant and failing. After the Master has been there a little while, they listened to his direction, and now they are tamed. Now they know their rightful owner, and they know that they must be directed or else they will cause havoc. Now they serve willingly and happily, for they love the Harmony they share together, and the fulfilment of achieving their purpose individually.

With the ability of his insight, the Master knows what each of them needs to take him on his journey efficiently, he put them on a regime and following it, they are content in his service.

With his input they have all come to learn about themselves, they know what’s good for them and how to produce efficient and useful efforts. He knows how far to stretch them, and when to give them rest, what kinds of foods to nourish them with, and when to say no!

Once it becomes clear though, it is impossible to ignore, and with a regime of constant Observation, which requires the Master to be fully Awake and Present, which the Master does naturally, it is possible to identify when each part is doing their own work, and when they are not. In those times it is possible for the Master to intervene, and train the parts to manage and deal with their own work efficiently, and not become a hindrance to the work of the others.

In all, once the three have begun to function properly, a good functioning horse and carriage, with a ready driver, they can take the Master where he wishes to go. As for the purpose of the Master, well, now that would be telling!

Q- In the current times of economical, spiritual, emotional and rational difficulty and confusion, how can we really know what we want out of life?

S.D. London

A: From the very beginning of our time, due to the limited amount of knowledge possessed by our species, we have suffered difficulty. We are limited in our knowledge of ourselves, who we are, what we are, how we function, what our capacities and capabilities are, and more importantly what our purpose is. As individuals, or a collective species that does not know who it is, and what it’s purpose is, anything that we may want out of life will always feel somewhat disconnected, irrelevant, and will ultimately cause conflict and pain, both individually and collectively.

Without a definite purpose, which at first requires real knowledge about the self, both individually and more so collectively, our goals will only manifest from our personal and subjective needs. To that end we are passive and subjective beings, ultimately making an effort to fulfill a personality lack. This could be economical, environmental, emotional, educational, or whatever your think you need to do.

There are of course various misconceptions about our purpose here, we are firstly not guests, but responsible service men to the societies in which we live. We each maintain a personal responsibility and accountability to the large and small societies which we inhabit, these are our families, communities and companies. Our progress will depend on the quantity or quality of our contributions to those who we share a common purpose with, those you live and work with and for.

Unfortunately the majority of us believe that life is merely a gift rather than a responsibility. Well we know that we value our gifts from a selfish and consumptive perspective and behaviour. Which means that we would rather indulge in gifts rather than value the service and purpose behind it. Can you see the relationship with our present culture? You can count on one thing, if someone is giving you a gift, it’s with the motive of gaining some sort of ownership over you. Nothing is free.The very basis for our desires, needs, wants and motives in life are based on a limited, subjective perspective. We therefore find the “new age race for happiness” is ironically tainted with great dissatisfaction with life. There are of course many out there selling peace, happiness and love. However there is a condition, that will require you to chase and live for fantasies and dreams, whilst the true reality will pass by you, and you will ignore and fear it along with any responsibilities it may pose at you.

Today our knowledge of ourselves, our history and our multi-dimensional capabilities, will turn what we think we know about ourselves on it’s head. It will also transform what we believe to be our purpose here. Our personal goals without serious consideration, and work on the self, can only be described as a stagnation of what we are, therefore as mindless indulgences manifested in economical, educational and emotional resourcing of whatever spiritual, intellectual, inspirational, material food we hunger and greed for.

In reality what you want can be categorised into what you need and what  you desire, based on your personal development. This also suggests that you can increase your needs by developing yourself. Initially though, you must cover what you need with respect to the environment you are living in, these are your common shelter, nourishment and opportunities, that you will require for living and growth. What you desire is then based on your subjective personality needs, the needs which will counteract what you perceive to be lack in your life.

However on a conscious level, you may realise that what you really want out of life is not to be passively ignorant of it’s horrors, and subjectively indulgent of it’s beauties, but rather to fulfill your purpose, and maximise your potential, you may want to be consciously living with awareness, with the ability to accept presence with all its magnificence and atrocities, and effectively identify where it is,  that you may contribute to the advancement, and improvement of the fulfillment of our collective purpose.

Q – If you have to choose between the head and the heart, what would you choose to make you happy?

A.L. London

A – Happiness occurs rarely for the majority of human beings, this is because they are often in conflict with one another and with themselves. What does it mean to be in conflict with oneself? It means that there is a multiplicity of desires within you and that in satisfying one you are sacrificing another, which ultimately causes you confusion, dissatisfaction and pain.

Your values are the assets that you will assign to the 8 fields which sum up the entirety of the areas of your life, and personal growth which are; body & mind, health & spirit, career & wealth, relationships & community. They determine what goals you have in each field and and how you will achieve those goals. Your beliefs are the rules that you will live  by whilst achieving your values and what you will judge your actions and the actions of others by. They will also determine your boundaries and your limitations in each area.

For each area of our lives, however active we think we may or may not be in that area, we have developed and are living according to our values and beliefs. Often in each area we have developed multiple sets of values and beliefs and sometimes these may be in conflict with one another causing a duality or multiplicity within us. Therefore when we act on them they cause us pain because we are sacrificing one set of values and beliefs for another.

When your centres are aligned, like the mind and the heart, they move forward together, in one direction, with clarity, precision and certainty towards a common goal. Then we can experience true fulfillment and happiness enrich our lives. For the most part the initial common goal of all your centers is self observation, a way of gathering enough data to be able to look at yourself and evaluate yourself objectively.

Like all things happiness will begin in your consciousness. A deep seated gratification for your very existence, for being and for acknowledging your being dwells in your heart, which must be expressed in your own individual way. Through practicing and understanding this gratification, which is an appreciation of your being, you will develop an honest picture of the values and beliefs by which you live and the values and beliefs which truly represent who you are.

In our natural state the bulk of what we think and do is determined by the external world to us. Television, media, schools, peers determine for us by showing us in example who we ought to be and how we ought to live . They educate us on our values and beliefs, the very dear values and beliefs which we hold on to and fight for with our lives, are often determined by external bodies and not by our own efforts. We would have to study ourselves and one another and then evaluate our findings objectively and without judgement before determining our own individual values and beliefs truly.

Instead our brain takes in all the data it is given and we become the things we think about, the dramas and the false ideas, the limited perceptions of our communities and environments and the negative and dark realities that begin to influence who we think we are and the world we think we live in.

The majority of people feel unfulfilled and detached from themselves. They feel a gap between who they are and who they wish to be, this gap is real and it is determined by actions that we take on a daily basis which distance us from ourselves.

If you are not happy, it is because whatever you are doing that is not aligned with your true self, it is causing you to move away from yourself and this distance from the self hurts.

When you are not aligned with your true self, your true desires are not fulfilled and you feel a deep dissatisfaction with the world and yourself in it. This alignment does not occur naturally, this alignment requires a constant work on oneself to become conscious, to re-evaluate ourselves and the world we think we live in and to create a new future for ourselves. It is possible to become completely lost and stuck in this great dissatisfaction for the entirety of our lives. It is also possible to relieve yourself of the great dissatisfaction with the help of those who have done so before you. Ultimately the choice is yours, to get different results, you must act differently.

Our values represent who we are and what we love about ourselves. They are representative of our essence at the very core of our choices. They are the meaning behind our actions and the actions behind our words!

Although we always know our values, we don’t always represent them. Acting contrary to your values is easy to spot, because you represent an impassionate image of yourself and who you think you ought to be, which is according to someone else’s values, be it your mother, your partner, your associates, your role models or whoever influences your decision making powers.

It’s easy to spot people who are living in accordance with their values, they are content with their lives, they work hard and don’t get tired, the suffer and don’t complain, they maintain a positive attitude, share a positive temperance and have a generally fulfilled sense of gratitude towards life. They are energetic and  refreshing to be around.

At the opposite end of the spectrum it’s easy to recognise people who are living contrary to their values, they are generally unhappy, miserable about life, give little thanks, complain a lot and act as emotional drains.

Now you can spot the difference, you may wonder why you would ever act contrary to your values? The are two reasons, the first is ignorance, because you have not learnt how to recognise your values, or understood how significant they are to your fulfillment in life. We have not been educated enough about the relevance of our values to the decisions that we make in life and our successes. But they are inherent in our development and evolution itself is based upon serving it’s highest values. Which in simple terms is to act in order to benefit.

Secondly we don’t act in accordance with our values because we are busy living according to the values of our peers and people we put on pedestals. This means that instead of figuring things out for ourselves we make choices according to what others think is best for us or according to what we think is socially acceptable. This of course fulfills our value of social acceptance and popularity, but the joys are short lived, because soon we tire ourselves out and feel drained, miserable and once again fall into the same old rut.

What we do passionately says a lot more about our values. What we are proud of in ourselves is a direct representative of our values. We can see people with jobs contrary to their values or lower on the list of their values and all they can talk about is their hobbies. What they put on show are their personal crafts, their works of art, their best clothes, their greatest dance moves or cook their signature dish. Because our values are the things that we have chosen to do to fulfill our essence and not what we do to build up our personalities. Knowing the significance of your essence and personality is very important.

The most important thing to remember about your values is this. The more you make choices in your life to please others, to fulfill the values of others, to fulfill their expectations of who they think you should be and what they think you should be doing, the less you will trust yourself, the less you will feel secure in yourself, the less you will be proud of yourself, the less you will honour yourself and the less success you will enjoy. Then what you share with your environment and the people around you, closes opportunities for yourself and others and you rain on other people’s parades.

On the other hand the more you live according to your values in your daily life, the more you will learn to depend on yourself, respect yourself, know yourself, be yourself and love yourself. The greater the trust you will have in yourself to do what is right for you, the more you will appreciate yourself and value yourself, the more you will attract opportunities that fulfill your values, the more success you will enjoy and the more gratitude you will feel for who you are and how you have lived your life. Then you are ready to share this with your environment and the people around you, treating everything with an open and creative nurture.

So, if you want to be fulfilled, stop looking outside to others, expecting them to define you and instead look within, listen and be yourself according to your values. If you want to know how to do that and to do some real work on yourself, then get in touch.

I get a lot of enquiries from people who for one reason or another have been out of work and are having a difficult time finding work again. It is a real moral challenge and a very difficult one. When our sense of security is challenged in such a way that we cannot support ourselves, we begin to feel insecure and vulnerable. We are living in an age of independence, and find it difficult to rely on others for help. It effects all of our relationships, and as we begin to recline from any activity other than finding work, we become more and more involved in the negative emotions that accompany the challenges we face.

There are no quick fixes. We can do little more than network, fill out those applications, speak to the agencies and search for new opportunities. All the time, we need to be aware of the effects of these difficult times on us and those around us and by doing so regain some control, confidence and security.

The fact is that in these difficult economic times we are bound to feel the strain of hardship one way or another. For some it is worse than for others. Some people I have spoken with are lucky enough to be supported by their family and loved ones. Others are able to find temporary work, others can deal with it by cutting down expenses. But for some it means not getting the health care they need, not being able to pay for their bills, losing their homes, loved ones and all hope for regaining any stability and security in their lives again.

The level of anxiety and pressure varies from person to person. However the solutions are the same for all.

Firstly it is vital that we gain all the support we can from those around us. This means talking about what we are going through. Often talking about it can be difficult, and after a while talking about it seems like the last thing we want to do. The same story being repeated everyday. But the frustration that accompanies applying for work, and not getting anywhere in this job market, has to be addressed before it expresses itself in other ways, such as insecurity, and damaged confidence in our relationships with others. If we cannot talk to those close to us we will find ourselves feeling lost and lonely.

This is not necessary, it is in our nature to listen to one another, and to maintain a human connection. We need to ensure that we do this when times are difficult for us in order to maintain stability and perspective on the situation. Often others have a more objective point of view on what is happening, and this can be of great help to us when we become disillusioned with our emotional challenges. Talking to someone about it can mean staying accountable to someone to maintain a level of motivation for continuos activity towards the end result.

Secondly we have to treat the situation with as much objectivity as possible. This means being aware of any negative self talk, self blame and self pity, and each time responding to it with objectivity. For whatever reason we are at this point in our lives and it is not a permanent state. We will eventually regain all stability and knowing the insecurity that we now know, we will undoubtedly tread with more care and ensure that we secure our positions further. It is important that in life and in every aspect of it, we look at it with a little more objectivity than what we are accustomed to. That means accepting that there are no permanent states of security, continuity or permanence. Everything goes through the cycle of life and death, loss and gain, success and failure, love and hate, and this is something that we have to become accustomed to experiencing with observation and grace.

There is no denying the emotional and mental challenge of the ups and downs. When we lose our sense of security we are left in a state of anxiety and panic. Our irrational behavioural and intellectual patterns become evident and we try to comfort ourselves by replacing the need with a different kind of attachment. At these time taking distance and relieving the pressure can mean something different to each of us.

The next thing we can do to help ourselves is to maintain our internal strength, by finding a way to balance ourselves. Each of us can do something to recharge our emotional batteries. This can make all the difference so as minute as it seems it is vitally important. We need to ask ourselves, what can I do to take a break, and refresh myself from everything? A run, a night in with some friends, a chat with someone you know who energises you, cooking a nice meal, taking a bath, yoga, meditation, whatever it is, make sure that it adds to your energy and does not take away from it.

There’s no need to go into further distinctions, we all know what does and does not work. This is an activity that needs to take place in our lives regularly and does not need to be costly. So making a special effort to make some time for a walk is a gesture to ourselves that we are doing this solely for the purpose of maintaining our emotional health and happiness. Today thanks to technology, we have access to every kind of exercise and healing we need. Why not download a daily meditation, or try yoga, there are many great masters out there, who have shared their teachings online for free. I have seen yoga practices of every kind available to everyone, at all levels.  For those who already have experience of the benefits of such an exercise, you know how much of a difference it makes, for those who haven’t given it a chance, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Once we have taken care of our personal human needs, we can approach our goal with a fresh mind and attitude and that is two fold, one to sustain our current circumstances so that they do not get worse and two, to improve it. The solution to both is often the same. In order to be confident, motivated and passionate again about going out there, filling out applications and attending interviews we need to be emotionally charged. We need to be free from all negative self talk, and detrimental emotional states. When we meet with our next manager, when we make our next business move, when we meet our next partner, we want to represent our true selves, the self that knows and loves the challenges that life presents, and can handle them responsibly rather than be defeated by them.

The motivation that we are so in need of will come out of doing things that are going to release positive energy flows within us. That means doing something right for ourselves. Go out there and take a walk, run, jog, meditate, breathe well, dance, sing and do what you have to. Talk to people about what is happening in a resourceful manner, share your experience with others, and give them guidance on how to deal with the same. Meantime with your new energy consistently make a fresh effort to manage and improve your state of personal security. Remembering that in life everything has a cycle and that change is the only permanence we can rely on, so empower yourself to deal with change.

Confidence is a popular area in coaching. Every client I have worked with has wanted confidence coaching. There is a lot to be said about what confidence actually means to us. It is a very personal concept and means something different to each and everyone of us. This shows just how important an area it is for self discovery and personal development. Confidence can make the difference in our lives because it emphasises our strengths by unveiling and nourishing our unique individual assets.

The way to approach issues around confidence is to embrace the feelings of insecurity with an alert and accepting attitude. Often we can feel overwhelmed and embarrassed by feelings of insecurity, we don’t read them correctly, we try to hide them, deny them, push them away, fight them and even fight others over them. These are all a waste of time and energy. In fact every time we do these things, we are harming ourselves.

Instead the approach that you need to take is a much more pro-active one. This is where the real difference is to be made in your life. When those feelings of insecurity and lacking of confidence arise in you, they are signals that you are not completely happy with yourself, and that you need to do some work on yourself. More importantly these feelings are telling you that you need to gather your resources, educate yourself, and develop yourself in the particular area that you are feeling the lack.

The context of where confidence may be lacking will be different each time, maybe it’s work related and needing to train on extra skills, or gaining the trust and confidence of your team. Maybe it’s at home and about cooking skills, or being a calmer, happier and more effective parent. In every case the solution is to listen to what your feelings are telling you, and then to do something about it. There is a lot that you can do to increase your confidence by developing the part of you that is nagging. The greatest change you can make today is to listen to yourself, do not ignore the signs, they will keep arising and may even produce themselves in other areas of your life.

Once you can read your emotional signals, you are then in the driving seat, you can choose whether to see someone about the correct weight change or exercises for your body, you can choose whether to request some additional training at work or increase your opportunities, or get help with draining habits, get counseling to deal with a challenging past, develop your interpersonal skills and to really live your life to the full.

Developing confidence is always within your grasp, it is always something that you can take action about. It requires self awarenss and self acceptance with a proactive attitude. Once we have changed our attitude towards confidence, the rest is about a working progress.

“Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening.” George Gurdjieff

Working on ourselves, self improvement and self development have always been a part of who we are as human beings. Always growing, always looking for the better, always trying to achieve more. It’s our natural tendency.

As part of the work that we do on ourselves any sincere developments must be done by way of self observation. Self observation is at first the idea we have of being able to see ourselves for what we are. In practice it is the recording of our habitual ways of thinking, feeling, moving and being in order to develop a backlog of data about ourselves which we can later use to understand and correct ourselves. As we are we need to align ourselves and awaken, this can only be achieved through long term self observation.

Self observation is the key to self consciousness, to knowing ourselves without which there is no work to be done on ourselves. Therefore self observation is the tool for becoming aware, conscious beings. There are many things that stand in the way of self observation; imagination, lack of attention and a lack of understanding about how to correctly observe ourselves. If we succeed to experience self observation we soon realise that we cannot observe ourselves for long periods of time, because our old habits which used to prevent us from observing now won’t let us observe ourselves.

However  it is only by way of observing ourselves that we can correctly arrive to a point of change, real sincere change, in confidence, in stopping bad habits, in understanding why we enter the same failing relationships, why we suffer from depression and anxiety, why we eat the things we do, why we are living and working exactly where we are as who we are and why we love to moan about it.

Self observation is the optimum pathway to any work on oneself and to self consciousness, without which any work done on ourselves is superficially  and temporarily adopted, not understood and will soon fail. Lasting change is the by-product of self observation.

Self observation is the mirror of all truths, sincere and powerful it is the only objective answer that matters, if we can succeed to observe ourselves we soon learn that everything else that we have known till now literally made no sense.

If you would like to learn more about this and be coached contact SelfState.

I often get asked about what coaching is and who it is for so I am writing this in order to shed some light on the matter.

Firstly Coaching is not for everyone. Every good coach will tell you that they only want to work with clients who are committed to the work and will in fact turn down clients who do not make an effort to fulfill their part of the coaching relationship. Coaching is a fantastic opportunity and not to be taken lightly. It is a modern method of communication and it is becoming increasingly popular in the corporate field because it is so powerful and effective. Those who have been lucky enough to work with a personal coach will have a lot to say about its benefits.

Secondly coaching is for open minded people who demonstrate a flexible and willing attitude to trying something new. Most people think they are open minded but they are confusing this with being accepting of others who are different to them. That’s all well and good, but what open mindedness really means is that you are willing to change your own mind, and behave differently yourself! If you have been doing the same thing over and over and achieved the same dead end results, then you have to be willing to try and do something differently in order to get the results you want. It sounds simple but changing our minds, and doing things differently to how we used to do them is one of the hardest things we can do, which with the help of a coach is made easier to understand and practice.

Thirdly coaching is for people who are willing to take a risk. Clients are asked to explore new and different possibilities to the ones they are used to exploring, and for this reason they need to be willing to look at old things in a new way, and look at new things with an open mind. People who take risks in life, understand that half the success is in taking the risk, the other half is in making it work. Because in fact  in life there is no failure or success, there is only working towards achieving the outcomes we want, or not! This is an extremely empowering concept that can be experienced through coaching, and if understood can be very useful and liberating in life. Coaching provides the support and encouragement which turns an uncertain risk into a secure opportunity.

Fourthly coaching is for people who want to get the most out of themselves and their lives. People who come to coaches want to get as much as is possible out of their time and efforts. They want to explore as many new avenues as possible, and stretch their comfort zones as far as possible. They want to put in the extra time, effort and resources to help them achieve their goals. They are willing to learn new skills, they are happy to experiment and see what works for them and how they work best. They want to  look at themselves and the world with fresh eyes and clarity. They want to feel differently about influences from experiences, and people that have held them back from being independently, individually complete. They appreciate life and all it has to offer as much as possible.

Fifth, coaching is for those who want to improve aspects of their life and personal performance that already works for them. Coaching will facilitate these client to observe, and know themselves by increasing their self awareness in order to enhance what they are doing right so that they can achieve the maximum and best results for themselves. Again this is a really empowering journey, and will lead to increased self awareness, personal satisfaction and great for self confidence.

Finally coaching is for those who want to take responsibility for their lives. All clients who come to work with a coach are ultimately taking responsibility for the development of an aspect of their life. A coach will facilitate clients to explore their opportunities in depth, and then exercise the choice of experiencing and realising the path that will bring them the greatest fulfillment and enrich their life.

In short the summary is that coaching is for people who are passionate about personal development. It is for people who do not want to be bound by their past, and are willing to take a risk and explore the possibilities they can offer themselves in their future. Coaching is for people who are willing and eager to make a change in their own mind and life. It is not a therapy nor an offering, coaching is the chance to do a work on one self. It facilitates a way of thinking, observing and behaving which is geared towards attaining success. That success differs in meaning from person to person, but the end goal is the same for all, it fulfills an inner purpose.

Here is a taste of Coaching just for you!

Coaching is all about movement directed towards an aim or a goal in life, in essence its about understanding where you are and discovering where you want to be and then planning your path to your desired destination.

Everyone and everything is in motion, the planets, the stars, our bodies, our mind and emotional states, our awareness, time etc… they’re all in motion and they are moving onwards and ahead.

Applying this concept to yourself think about where you want to be in 3 years from now. 3 years ahead in time is quite a tangible future to think about and also enough time to make some really powerful choices. When you are thinking about what you would like to achieve try to think about what would add more value to your life. I say this because ultimately we all want to live fulfilled happy lives, but what does that really mean? It means living a life according to the values and beliefs that are close to our hearts.

Ask yourself in 3 years time, what would I like to have achieved that would make me proud?

Write it out in as much detail as possible. Is there a particular area of your life that you would like to transform? Here are some ideas:

• establish yourself in your career
• a change of career
• get a qualification to do something you really enjoy
• set up your own business
• write a book
• loose weight and have the healthy figure you’ve always wished for
• have a baby

These are all life changing events. So in 3 years you could change your life and with a little direction make changes that can bring you lasting happiness. Off course you don’t have to do it in 3 years, I’m using this as an example. Some people achieve in 3 years what others achieve in 1. It’s up to you, but I find 3 years is long enough to consider achieving your life changing goals realistically and without added pressure.

To help you further divide you goal into tangible realistic stages, maybe ask someone who has already achieved what you want to achieve to help you do this. Establishing realistic stages will also help you to measure your progress and know that you are on the right track.

Remember if your goals do not match your values and beliefs then you are in conflict and achieving them could be difficult and harmful. Here are some core values that are commonly considered to bring us happiness. Weigh up your goals against these and mark them out of 10 to see how much your goals are in congruence with your values, you can add your own values to the list.

• family
• community
• personal satisfaction
• excellence
• honesty
• passion
• self esteem
• security
• stability
• spirituality
• health

Now consider this. What would achieving this goal change about the way you live today? It’s an important question right? because it prepares you for the adaptations that you will have to make, it asks you to consider what you are doing now that isn’t going to work or help you achieve this goal and what you are doing currently that will help you achieve it. Therefore it prepares you for the practicality of achieving your goal.

This also turns our attention to where you are now.

It’s important to be able to look at yourself and assess your current situation fairly and openly.

Consider the following in assessing where you are now:

• What are you doing so far towards achieving your goal? (what can you do to increase these activities?)
• Who do you know that can support you in achieivng your goal? (how can you extend your network and supporting community?)
• What resources do you need to help you achieve your goal? (how can you improve and increase your resources?)
• What is the next step for you to bring you closer to your goal? (or bring your goal closer to you? its a two way relationship!)

So you have now had a taste of coaching, it’s a positive and intriguing practice and it invites you to enhance the way you live. If you have enjoyed this session and would like in depth one to one or group sessions, or you know someone who could benefit from coaching then get in touch with me.

Establishing powerful goals in your daily life is the key to achieving the results you want to achieve rather than what you’re left with.

So what are the key steps to establishing powerful goals:

Your goals should be;

• Specific – write your goals in as much detail as possible as often as possible
• Measurable – you must be able to measure your goals according their nature and in time
• Achievable – set yourself goals that you can achieve practically, use journey goals to break down your goals into practical stages
• Realistic – there’s dreaming and then there’s actualising your dreams, set yourself realistic targets towards achieving your goals, this is how you can make your dreams come true!
• Tangible – Your goals should be tangible, to do this think about what you can do in order to bring yourself closer to goals and bring your goals closer to you, it is a two way relationship!

Often your goals will be an image of the final product. Therefore it is important to set journey goals, even daily goals that will bring you closer to the final vision. Remember achieving the final vision or the final goal will only bring you momentary joy, who you become in the process brings you lasting happiness.

Lets take an example: you want to be in a healthy relationship, but you feel lonely, you think that there is no one out there that you will make a real connection to, you don’t really enjoy going out and meeting new people, and you lack confidence in yourself because of past experiences and low of self esteem.

The goal now seems far away. However if you follow the SMART model you can bring your goal closer to you. Often goals need to broken into different stages to develop a realistic path to achieving them. The final vision is a great motivator, but the first step of the journey always begins within.

Achieving any goal means adaptation and change. No matter what the goal is unless you being to think and approach the goal with a new attitude, and take new action you will achieve the same results you always have.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship but you feel lonely, and think there’s no one out there for you, then because of this conflict in your goal and your personal beliefs, you will be unlikely to find or stay in a positive and healthy relationship. So you can establish changing your attitude towards relationships as one of your journey goals.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship but you’re uncomfortable with going out and meeting new people then find ways around this. Another journey goal could be to socialise with your current friends, colleagues, family, networks and like minded people more often with the aim to enjoy the love and richness of the connections you are already making with the people in your life now. This will boost your happiness, confidence and chances are that someone will know someone who, well could be just the person for you.

If you struggle with low self esteem because of past experiences, and you find yourself making the same mistakes, allowing people to treat you badly, or just not having the love and joy of being who you are, then this will conflict with the values you attach to being lovable.

In that case you will find a way of ruining any good chances for yourself. So another one of your journey goals could be to boost your self esteem. This is one of the most common and fundamental factors in relationship damage. Low self esteem is the reason people find themselves living lives that are unfulfilling, leaving them drained, angry and generally not enjoying life no matter how much wealth, beauty, passion and love they may possess.

There’s so much more to setting powerful goals then at first meets the eye. However we are moving on and up in our lives, whether we’re just surviving or at the top of the game effective goal setting will make measurable differences in who we are and the way we live.