I get a lot of enquiries from people who for one reason or another have been out of work and are having a difficult time finding work again. It is a real moral challenge and a very difficult one. When our sense of security is challenged in such a way that we cannot support ourselves, we begin to feel insecure and vulnerable. We are living in an age of independence and find it difficult to rely on others for help. It can have an effect on all our relationships and as we begin to recline from any activity other than finding work, we become more and more involved in the negative emotions that accompany the challenges we face.

There are no quick fixes. We can do little more than fill out those applications, speak to the agencies and search the web for new opportunities. Meantime we need to be aware of the effects of these difficult times on us and those around us and by doing so regain some control, confidence and security.

The fact is that in these difficult economic times we are bound to feel the strain of hardship one way or another. For some it is worse than for others. Some people I have spoken with are lucky enough to be supported by their family and loved ones. Others are able to find temporary work, others can deal with it by cutting down expenses. But for some it means not getting the health care they need, not being able to pay for their bills, losing their homes, loved ones and all hope for regaining any stability and security in their lives again.

The level of anxiety and pressure varies from person to person. However the solutions are the same for all.

Firstly it is vital that we gain all the support we can from those around us. This means talking about what we are going through. Often talking about it can be difficult and after a while talking about it seems like the last thing we want to do. The same story being repeated everyday. But the frustration that accompanies applying for work and not getting anywhere in this job market has to be addressed before it expresses itself in other ways, such as insecurity in our relationships with others. If we cannot talk to those close to us we may find ourselves feeling lost and lonely. This is not necessary, it is in our nature to listen to one another and to maintain a human connection. We need to ensure that we do this when times are difficult for us in order to maintain stability and perspective on the situation. Often others have a more objective point of view on what is happening and this can be of great help to us when we become disillusioned with our emotional challenges. Talking to someone about it can mean staying accountable to someone to maintain a level of motivation for continuos activity towards the end result.

Secondly we have to treat the situation with as much objectivity as possible. This means being aware of any negative self talk, self blame and self pity and each time responding to it with objectivity. For whatever reason we are at this point in our lives and it is not a permanent state. We will eventually regain all stability and knowing the insecurity that we now know, we will undoubtedly tread with more care and ensure that we secure our positions further. It is important that in life and in every aspect of it, we look at it with a little more objectivity than what we are accustomed to. That means accepting that there are no permanent states of security, continuity and permanence. Everything goes through the cycle of life and death, loss and gain, success and failure, love and hate, and this is something that we have to become accustomed to experiencing with observation and grace. 

There is no denying the emotional and mental challenge of the ups and downs. When we lose our sense of security we are left in a state of anxiety and panic. Our irrational behavioural and intellectual patterns become evident and we try to comfort ourselves by replacing the need with a different kind of attachment. At these time taking distance and relieving the pressure can mean something different to each of us.

The next thing we can do to help ourselves is to maintain a clear perspective of what is happening by finding a way to balance ourselves. Each of us can do something to recharge our emotional batteries. This can make all the difference so as minute as it seems it is vitally important. We need to ask ourselves, what can I do to take a break and refresh myself from everything? A run, a night in with some friends, a chat with someone you know energises you, cooking a nice meal, taking a bath, yoga, meditation, whatever it is, make sure that it adds to your energy and does not take away from it. There’s no need to go into further distinctions, we all know what does and does not work. This is an activity that needs to take place in our lives regularly and should not be costly in time or money. So making a special effort to make some time for a walk is a gesture to ourselves that we are doing this solely for the purpose of maintaining our emotional health and happiness. For those who already have experience of the benefits of such an exercise you know how much of a difference it makes, for those who haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Once we have taken care of our personal human needs, we can approach our goal with a fresh mind and attitude and that is two fold, one to sustain our current circumstances so that they do not get worse and two, to improve it. The solution to both is often the same. In order to be confident, motivated and passionate again about going out there, filling out applications and attending interviews we need to be emotionally charged. We need to be free from all negative self talk and detrimental emotional states. When we meet with our next manager, when we make our next business move, when we meet our next partner, we want to represent our true selves, the self that knows and loves the challenges that life presents and can handle them responsibly rather than reactively. 

The motivation that we are so in need of will come out of doing things that are going to release positive energy flows within us. That means doing something right for ourselves. Go out there and take a walk, run, jog, meditate, breathe well, dance, sing and do what you have to. Talk to people about what is happening in a resourceful manner, share your experience with others and give them guidance on how to deal with the same. Meantime with your new energy consistently make a fresh effort to manage and improve your state of personal security. Remembering that in life everything has a cycle and that change is the only permanence we can rely on, so empower yourself to deal with change.

Confidence is a popular area in coaching. Every client I have worked with has wanted confidence coaching. There is a lot to be said about what confidence actually means to us. It is a very personal concept and means something different to each and everyone of us. This shows just how important an area it is for self discovery and personal development. Confidence can make the difference in our lives because it emphasises our strengths by unveiling and nourishing our unique individual assets.

The way to approach issues around confidence is to embrace the feelings of insecurity with an alert and accepting attitude. Often we can feel overwhelmed and embarrassed by feelings of insecurity, we don’t read them correctly, we try to hide them, deny them, push them away fight them and even fight others over them. These are all a waste of time and energy. In fact we every time we do these things we are harming ourselves. 

Instead the approach that you need to take is a much more pro-active one. This is where the real difference is to be made in your life. When those feelings of insecurity and lacking of confidence arise in you, they are signals that you are not completely happy with yourself and that you need to do some work on yourself. More importantly these feelings are telling you that you need to gather your resources, educate yourself and develop yourself in the particular area that you are feeling the lack. 

The context of where confidence may be lacking will be different each time, maybe it’s work related and needing to train on extra skills or gaining the trust and confidence of your team. Maybe it’s at home and about cooking skills, or being a calmer, happier and more effective parent. In every case the solution is to listen to what your feelings are telling you and to do something about it.  There is a lot that you can do to increase your confidence by developing the part of you that is nagging. The greatest change you can make today is to listen to yourself, do not ignore the signs, they will keep arising and may even produce themselves in other areas of your life. 

Once you can read your emotional signals you are in the driving seat, you can choose whether to see someone about the correct weight change or exercises for your body, you can choose whether to request some additional training at work or increase your opportunities, or get help with draining habits, get counseling to deal with a challenging past, develop your interpersonal skills and to really live your life to the full. Developing confidence is always within your grasp, it is always something that you can take action about. It requires self awarenss and self acceptance with a proactive attitude. Once we have changed our attitude towards confidence, the rest is about a working progress.