Recently I have been talking to a growing number of people who have all expressed their difficulties in understanding why they can’t find the energy to study, or why they can’t stop smoking even when they know that its bad for them or why they can’t focus on their goals and instead end up doing things that distract them. 

In essence these are all referring to an inability to master themselves and having become familiar with the teachings of Gurdjieff on the relationship between the emotional, intellectual and physical centres of our beings I wanted to share some interesting points with them in this post that might help to guide them along the way.

Gurdjieff made an interesting analogy where he compared the body, intellect and emotions to a carriage with a driver and horses. The carriage is the body, the horses are the emotions and the driver is the intellect.

This analogy is designed to show you that something very important is missing without which, the horses, the carriage and the driver, can wander around aimlessly, without serving a particular purpose. Each with their own idea of what they should be doing.

Therefore when the intellect says lets not smoke anymore, lets wake up early in the morning and go for a run, lets mediate, lets study etc etc.. the body says I’m too sleepy, tired, cold, hot etc.. and the emotions say but I’m too angry, sad, tense or happy to.

Such is the relationship between the horse, carriage and driver that they cannot rule over one another, they often steal one another’s energy to do their own work and they have a broken communication between themselves, that is, they do not speak the same language.

The missing figure is the master, the master which now gives a purpose to the very existence of the horse, carriage and driver.

We know that the carriage represents the body, the horses represent the emotions and the driver represents the intellect. And what does the master represent? Awareness.

Awareness is the very substance of consciousness, it is the part that is able to observe, witness and discern. It is also the part that is meant to rule and be the will for the horses, carriage and driver to carry out their functions.

This means that without awareness or the master telling the driver where to go, the driver may wander aimlessly, going far or near, with no point to its exercise because the function of the driver is to drive, he doesn’t care where he goes, he was made for driving and nothing else, he may enjoy driving well, but that still does not give it a purpose only a refined skill.

Without the master the horses would get no training, emotions run wild,  the intellect only drives the carriage, it can’t tame the emotions, they will wander haphazardly running wild one minute, still the next, always sloppy and unrefined, causing a scene!

Without the master making sure that the carriage is kept clean, it would soon become wrecked and uninhabitable.

The master tells the driver where it wants to go, the driver can then organise and calculate the journey. The master trains the horses, making sure that they become aware of their own abilities and develop their responses to danger, hazard and accidents along the way. The master looks after the carriage, making sure its kept clean, the mechanisms work properly and its well maintained.

We are all only awareness that is carried and expressed by the body, intellect and emotions.

It is the master’s responsibility to look after, train, nourish and maintain the horses, carriage and driver. The master must feed to nourish the body that carries him, to keep it clean and habitable. He must communicate with precision and clarity to his driver where he wants to go, so that his driver can plan the journey ahead and make the necessary calculations. The emotions that energise, accompany and carry him forward on his journey need to be trained and learn to respond accordingly to different stimuli.

The master is the awareness that is embodied in the physical body, this physical reality is an organism that the master animates, without him, it would cease to exist. He is awareness.

When there is confusion and the carriage loses its way, it is because the intellect is trying to direct the path for the master, wandering off aimlessly, costing him time and resources, getting  lost and confused. It can’t decide the way because it cannot discern which is the right way for the master and it does not share the purpose of the master, it is the driver of his carriage and it can only organise what it is told to.

When there is an outburst of negative emotions, it is because the emotions tried to direct the way, without his guidance this isn’t possible, for they are only reactive to stimulants and have not got the ability to discern when to roam and when to be still.

When the carriage is lazy, addicted and ill it is because the body tried to take charge of the way and couldn’t discern deliberate actions, habitual in its manner it got used to being without discipline.

When the master first came to take charge, they were afraid, lazy, arrogant, ignorant and failing. After the master has been there a little while they listen to his direction and they are tamed, now they know their rightful owner and they know that they must be directed or else they will cause havoc. Now they serve willingly and happily for they love the harmony they share together and the fulfilment of achieving their purpose individually.

Without the master, they each tried to execute their will upon the others. The intellect tried to rule over the emotions and failed miserably because they did not speak the same language. So for a while the intellect ignored the emotions and tried to pull the carriage alone, but found that without the energy of the emotions, there was no movement, like a carriage without its horses.

The emotions then tried to direct they way, but crashed and rose inconsistently, wasting energy and causing fatigue and illness in the body. The body then tried its hand at ruling and got lost in consuming and achieved nothing.

They didn’t know how to work together, they didn’t know what language the other speaks, they didn’t share a common goal and they didn’t have a common direction.

They all only looked out for themselves and lived to satisfy themselves. They soon realised that each had its own specific functions and that they could only determine their own work and not the work of the others. But they needed training to do their jobs properly.

Each of them had a go at ruling and all failed miserably, because they were not meant to rule, but they were designed to each run their own departments efficiently and put their best efforts forward to support the master for where he was going.

The master’s throne was empty for a long time, when they had enough of squabbling amongst themselves they prepared for him to come in. Now they are fast learning, each has their own tasks and they are running in harmony.

With the ability of his insight, the master knows what each of them needs to take him on his journey efficiently, he put them on a regime and following it, they are content in his service.

With his input they have all come to learn about themselves, what’s good for them and how to produce efficient and useful efforts. He knows how far to stretch them and when to give them rest, what kinds of foods to nourish them with and when to say no!

As for the master, his purpose is clear, they don’t need to know about it, it has no use for them, their purpose is only to serve him, he tells them everyday where he needs to go, how he needs to get there, what preparations he may need for the journey and how long they will be on the way. They all then work together and enjoy the harmony and peace of the journey.

The master is awareness, he sits upon his throne, his carriage takes him about, his horses graceful and well trained, his driver executing his instructions, plans the journey and calculates the way, his carriage clean and habitable makes it pleasant for him to be there.

For a long time this was not the case and the horse and carriage were empty, the driver didn’t know where to go, so they wandered around aimlessly, now they are happy to have a master and feel their purpose fulfilled. For a long time, the carriage was dirty, full of smog and dust, lopsided and unbalanced, dull coloured and ugly, now it shines, bright, light, clean and clear, it’s a place fit for a master to live in.

Without the master their choices were unsatisfying, each one made a choice to suit itself, the intellect wanted to be the greatest problem solver, the emotions wanted to be the greatest artists, the body wanted to be the strongest, but each along their own special path soon found that something was missing, they could not fulfill their goals, they had no will, despite their lavish dreams, their realities did not meet.

When the master came in, they realised they could each excel together and that service was their highest potential. With his input they have the will and direction that they each need and they are not concerned about reaching a particular end, they are content to be on their path, doing what it is that they do best.

In order to maintain them, it is the master’s responsibility to feed them and to discern what’s the best foods for them, what sort and how much exercise they need and what conditions they should live in. The master has to look after them and nourish them properly, if he leaves them to feed themselves, they can survive, but they will not be healthy, doing the wrong work, taking their problems out on one another, and they will not live with integrity and purpose.

For example if they had to rule over one another, the emotions might decide the foods of the body and the intellect might decide the foods of the emotions or the body might decide what the work of the emotions should be, it would cause havoc and disorganisation of energy resources. This would cause emotional imbalances, physical illnesses and intellectual shortcomings.

Therefore the  master takes responsibility for feeding them, exercising them, keeping them clean and so on. The master listens to them too, he’s a caring listener, he doesn’t try to dictate to them, at the end of the day he wants to make sure they’re at their best for him, therefore he treats them with the best care that he knows of, giving them nourishment they need.

When one or the other gets frustrated they usually take it out on each other, stealing one another’s energy resources. For example when the emotions feel hurt or sad, frustrated or afraid, they try to have a physical effect so that they feel better, they might want to smoke, they might want to drink, to eat or to go for a run or sleep. That way they express themselves through the body.

When the body gets sick everybody has to hear about it, it won’t let the emotions have the energy they need, so they get really frustrated and mope around impatiently waiting for it to get better, it makes the work of the brain slow down too, blurring its clarity and constantly begging it stop working and go to sleep.

When the brain feels confused it stumps the growth and movement of the others, the emotions are often ignored and malnourished and the body is pumped full of adrenaline to deal with in order to replace the energy of the emotions, when it doesn’t really need it.

When it comes to feeding time the master has to make sure they are fed regularly, otherwise they will steal energy from one another to complete their own work, and they will run imbalanced and inconsistently.

For example when the brain is hungry to learn something new, it will call up the emotions and use up all their energies, in all the excitement it will ignore the body and instead of nourishing it properly it might give it a stimulating drink to create more adrenaline for the emotions and use the emotional power instead to do its work. Most of studying especially during university life consists of this.

Then the body gets really frazzled and developing nervous shakes, sweating and its energy dropping fast, but the brain doesn’t care. Finally the emotional use of the body’s energy would drain the body which would send out panic signals and a hungry wave would take over which would then be satisfied by the emotions who would now take control and the most greasy, quick comfort food would be hastily stuffed into the body giving it a load of sugar to supply energy, little or nothing in the way of nourishment, vitamins and energy and a whole load of toxic waste to sort through. But the emotions were happy and what did they care about the work of the body and what it had to deal with? Nothing.

Each one is really selfish. For example when the emotions are sad, everything comes to halt! The body can say goodbye to it’s peace, a stream of toxic waste could be put into it to put it to sleep and shut down the energy supply to the emotions, then the emotions lazily instead of dealing with its own work would simply ignore it till later. Any work that has to be done by the brain is accompanied by the inescapable screeching of the emotions, they like little babies would not stop the crying, screaming, yelling from fear and angst because they could not handle themselves in a particular situation. Many assignments and days at work suffer for this.

The carriage, the driver and the horses all needed a good lesson and when they had finally learned it, they decided it was time for a master and that’s when he came in.

There was a lot of work for him to do with them. At first it seemed no one was ready to participate and each would lazily flag about. Luckily the master had people around him who constantly served as reminders and pulled him along.

The struggle between these three and their broken relationship is clear to the master and invisible to the eyes of those who have not yet seen it. Most people go through their whole lives living in this struggle and eventually wear themselves out, never becoming aware of which part of their horses and carriage they are satisfying. Certainly they lack awareness and no matter how hard they try, without awareness, the results are just incomplete.

Once it becomes clear though, it is impossible to ignore and with a regime of constant observation, which requires the master to be fully awake and take note of what’s going on, which the master does naturally, it is possible to identify when each part is doing their own work and therefore when they are not. And in those times it is possible for the master to intervene and train the parts to manage and deal with their own work efficiently and not become a hindrance to the work of the others.

In all, once the three have begun to function properly, a good functioning horse and carriage with a ready driver are always there ready to take the master where he wishes to go. And, as for the purpose of the master, well, now that would be telling…

Q- In the current times of economical, spiritual, emotional and rational difficulty and confusion, how can we really know what we want out of life? 

S.D. London

A: From the very beginning of our time, due to the limited amount of knowledge possessed by our species, we have suffered difficulty. We are limited in our knowledge of ourselves, who we are, what we are, how we function, what our capacities and capabilities are, and more importantly what our purpose is. As individuals or a collective species that does not know who it is, and what it’s purpose is, anything that we may want out of life will always feel somewhat disconnected, irrelevant and will ultimately cause conflict and pain both individually and collectively.

Without a definite purpose, which at first requires real knowledge about the self, both individually and more so collectively, our goals will only manifest from our personal and subjective needs. To that end we are passive and subjective beings, ultimately making an effort to fulfill a personality lack. This could be economical, environmental, emotional, educational or whatever your think you need to do. 

There are of course various misconceptions about our purpose here, we are firstly not guests, but responsible service men to the societies in which we live. We each maintain a personal responsibility and accountability to the large and small societies which we inhabit, these are our families, communities and companies.  Our progress will depend on the quantity or quality of our contributions to those who we share a common purpose with, those you live and work with and for.

Unfortunately the majority of us believe that life is merely a gift rather than a responsibility. Well we know that we value our gifts from a selfish and consumptive perspective and behaviour. Which means that we would rather indulge in gifts rather than value the service and purpose behind it.  Can you see the relationship with our present culture? You can count on one thing, if someone is giving you a gift, it’s with the motive of gaining some sort of ownership over you. Nothing is free.The very basis for our desires, needs, wants and motives in life are based on a limited, subjective perspective. We therefore find the “new age race for happiness” is ironically tainted with great dissatisfaction with life. There are of course many out there selling peace, happiness and love. However there is a condition, that will require you to chase and live for fantasies and dreams, whilst the true reality will pass by you and you will ignore and fear it along with any responsibilities it may pose at you.

Today our knowledge of ourselves, our history and our multi-dimensional capabilities, will turn what we think we know about ourselves on it’s head. It will also transform what we believe to be our purpose here. Our personal goals without serious consideration and work on the self, can only be described as a stagnation of what we are, therefore as mindless indulgences manifested in economical, educational and emotional resourcing of whatever spiritual, intellectual, inspirational, material food we hunger and greed for.

In reality what you want can be categorised into what you need and what  you desire based on your personal development. This also suggests that you can increase your needs by developing yourself. Initially though, you must cover what you need with respect to the environment you are living in, these are your common shelter, nourishment and opportunities that you will require for living and growth. What you desire is then based on your subjective personality needs, the needs which will counteract what you perceive to be lack in your life. 

However on a conscious level, you may realise that what you really want out of life is not to be passively ignorant of it’s horrors and subjectively indulgent of it’s beauties, but rather to fulfill your purpose and maximise your potential, you may want to be consciously living with awareness, with the ability to accept presence with all its magnificence and atrocities and effectively identify where it is,  that you may contribute to the advancement and improvement of the fulfillment of our collective purpose.

Q – If you have to choose between the head and the heart, what would you choose to make you happy?

A.L. London

A – Happiness occurs rarely for the majority of human beings, this is because they are often in conflict with one another and with themselves. What does it mean to be in conflict with oneself? It means that there is a multiplicity of desires within you and that in satisfying one you are sacrificing another, which ultimately causes you confusion, dissatisfaction and pain.

Your values are the assets that you will assign to the 8 fields which sum up the entirety of the areas of your life, and personal growth which are; body & mind, health & spirit, career & wealth, relationships & community. They determine what goals you have in each field and and how you will achieve those goals. Your beliefs are the rules that you will live  by whilst achieving your values and what you will judge your actions and the actions of others by. They will also determine your boundaries and your limitations in each area.

For each area of our lives, however active we think we may or may not be in that area, we have developed and are living according to our values and beliefs. Often in each area we have developed multiple sets of values and beliefs and sometimes these may be in conflict with one another causing a duality or multiplicity within us. Therefore when we act on them they cause us pain because we are sacrificing one set of values and beliefs for another.

When your centres are aligned, like the mind and the heart, they move forward together, in one direction, with clarity, precision and certainty towards a common goal. Then we can experience true fulfillment and happiness enrich our lives. For the most part the initial common goal of all your centers is self observation, a way of gathering enough data to be able to look at yourself and evaluate yourself objectively. 

Like all things happiness will begin in your consciousness. A deep seated gratification for your very existence, for being and for acknowledging your being dwells in your heart, which must be expressed in your own individual way. Through practicing and understanding this gratification, which is an appreciation of your being, you will develop an honest picture of the values and beliefs by which you live and the values and beliefs which truly represent who you are.

In our natural state the bulk of what we think and do is determined by the external world to us. Television, media, schools, peers determine for us by showing us in example who we ought to be and how we ought to live . They educate us on our values and beliefs, the very dear values and beliefs which we hold on to and fight for with our lives, are often determined by external bodies and not by our own efforts. We would have to study ourselves and one another and then evaluate our findings objectively and without judgement before determining our own individual values and beliefs truly.

Instead our brain takes in all the data it is given and we become the things we think about, the dramas and the false ideas, the limited perceptions of our communities and environments and the negative and dark realities that begin to influence who we think we are and the world we think we live in.

The majority of people feel unfulfilled and detached from themselves. They feel a gap between who they are and who they wish to be, this gap is real and it is determined by actions that we take on a daily basis which distance us from ourselves.

If you are not happy, it is because whatever you are doing that is not aligned with your true self, it is causing you to move away from yourself and this distance from the self hurts.

When you are not aligned with your true self, your true desires are not fulfilled and you feel a deep dissatisfaction with the world and yourself in it. This alignment does not occur naturally, this alignment requires a constant work on oneself to become conscious, to re-evaluate ourselves and the world we think we live in and to create a new future for ourselves. It is possible to become completely lost and stuck in this great dissatisfaction for the entirety of our lives. It is also possible to relieve yourself of the great dissatisfaction with the help of those who have done so before you. Ultimately the choice is yours, to get different results, you must act differently.

Our values represent who we are and what we love about ourselves. They are representative of our essence at the very core of our choices. They are the meaning behind our actions and the actions behind our words! 

Although we always know our values, we don’t always represent them. Acting contrary to your values is easy to spot, because you represent an impassionate image of yourself and who you think you ought to be, which is according to someone else’s values, be it your mother, your partner, your associates, your role models or whoever influences your decision making powers.

It’s easy to spot people who are living in accordance with their values, they are content with their lives, they work hard and don’t get tired, the suffer and don’t complain, they maintain a positive attitude, share a positive temperance and have a generally fulfilled sense of gratitude towards life. They are energetic and  refreshing to be around.

At the opposite end of the spectrum it’s easy to recognise people who are living contrary to their values, they are generally unhappy, miserable about life, give little thanks, complain a lot and act as emotional drains. 

Now you can spot the difference, you may wonder why you would ever act contrary to your values? The are two reasons, the first is ignorance, because you have not learnt how to recognise your values, or understood how significant they are to your fulfillment in life.  We have not been educated enough about the relevance of our values to the decisions that we make in life and our successes. But they are inherent in our development and evolution itself is based upon serving it’s highest values. Which in simple terms is to act in order to benefit.  

Secondly we don’t act in accordance with our values because we are busy living according to the values of our peers and people we put on pedestals. This means that instead of figuring things out for ourselves we make choices according to what others think is best for us or according to what we think is socially acceptable. This of course fulfills our value of social acceptance and popularity, but the joys are short lived, because soon we tire ourselves out and feel drained, miserable and once again fall into the same old rut.

What we do passionately says a lot more about our values. What we are proud of in ourselves is a direct representative of our values. We can see people with jobs contrary to their values or lower on the list of their values and all they can talk about is their hobbies. What they put on show are their personal crafts, their works of art, their best clothes, their greatest dance moves or cook their signature dish. Because our values are the things that we have chosen to do to fulfill our essence and not what we do to build up our personalities. Knowing the significance of your essence and personality is very important. 

The most important thing to remember about your values is this. The more you make choices in your life to please others, to fulfill the values of others, to fulfill their expectations of who they think you should be and what they think you should be doing, the less you will trust yourself, the less you will feel secure in yourself, the less you will be proud of yourself, the less you will honour yourself and the less success you will enjoy. Then what you share with your environment and the people around you, closes opportunities for yourself and others and you rain on other people’s parades. 

On the other hand the more you live according to your values in your daily life, the more you will learn to depend on yourself, respect yourself, know yourself, be yourself and love yourself. The greater the trust you will have in yourself to do what is right for you, the more you will appreciate yourself and value yourself, the more you will attract opportunities that fulfill your values, the more success you will enjoy and the more gratitude you will feel for who you are and how you have lived your life. Then you are ready to share this with your environment and the people around you, treating everything with an open and creative nurture.

So, if you want to be fulfilled, stop looking outside to others, expecting them to define you and instead look within, listen and be yourself according to your values. If you want to know how to do that and to do some real work on yourself, then get in touch.

I get a lot of enquiries from people who for one reason or another have been out of work and are having a difficult time finding work again. It is a real moral challenge and a very difficult one. When our sense of security is challenged in such a way that we cannot support ourselves, we begin to feel insecure and vulnerable. We are living in an age of independence and find it difficult to rely on others for help. It can have an effect on all our relationships and as we begin to recline from any activity other than finding work, we become more and more involved in the negative emotions that accompany the challenges we face.

There are no quick fixes. We can do little more than fill out those applications, speak to the agencies and search the web for new opportunities. Meantime we need to be aware of the effects of these difficult times on us and those around us and by doing so regain some control, confidence and security.

The fact is that in these difficult economic times we are bound to feel the strain of hardship one way or another. For some it is worse than for others. Some people I have spoken with are lucky enough to be supported by their family and loved ones. Others are able to find temporary work, others can deal with it by cutting down expenses. But for some it means not getting the health care they need, not being able to pay for their bills, losing their homes, loved ones and all hope for regaining any stability and security in their lives again.

The level of anxiety and pressure varies from person to person. However the solutions are the same for all.

Firstly it is vital that we gain all the support we can from those around us. This means talking about what we are going through. Often talking about it can be difficult and after a while talking about it seems like the last thing we want to do. The same story being repeated everyday. But the frustration that accompanies applying for work and not getting anywhere in this job market has to be addressed before it expresses itself in other ways, such as insecurity in our relationships with others. If we cannot talk to those close to us we may find ourselves feeling lost and lonely. This is not necessary, it is in our nature to listen to one another and to maintain a human connection. We need to ensure that we do this when times are difficult for us in order to maintain stability and perspective on the situation. Often others have a more objective point of view on what is happening and this can be of great help to us when we become disillusioned with our emotional challenges. Talking to someone about it can mean staying accountable to someone to maintain a level of motivation for continuos activity towards the end result.

Secondly we have to treat the situation with as much objectivity as possible. This means being aware of any negative self talk, self blame and self pity and each time responding to it with objectivity. For whatever reason we are at this point in our lives and it is not a permanent state. We will eventually regain all stability and knowing the insecurity that we now know, we will undoubtedly tread with more care and ensure that we secure our positions further. It is important that in life and in every aspect of it, we look at it with a little more objectivity than what we are accustomed to. That means accepting that there are no permanent states of security, continuity and permanence. Everything goes through the cycle of life and death, loss and gain, success and failure, love and hate, and this is something that we have to become accustomed to experiencing with observation and grace. 

There is no denying the emotional and mental challenge of the ups and downs. When we lose our sense of security we are left in a state of anxiety and panic. Our irrational behavioural and intellectual patterns become evident and we try to comfort ourselves by replacing the need with a different kind of attachment. At these time taking distance and relieving the pressure can mean something different to each of us.

The next thing we can do to help ourselves is to maintain a clear perspective of what is happening by finding a way to balance ourselves. Each of us can do something to recharge our emotional batteries. This can make all the difference so as minute as it seems it is vitally important. We need to ask ourselves, what can I do to take a break and refresh myself from everything? A run, a night in with some friends, a chat with someone you know energises you, cooking a nice meal, taking a bath, yoga, meditation, whatever it is, make sure that it adds to your energy and does not take away from it. There’s no need to go into further distinctions, we all know what does and does not work. This is an activity that needs to take place in our lives regularly and should not be costly in time or money. So making a special effort to make some time for a walk is a gesture to ourselves that we are doing this solely for the purpose of maintaining our emotional health and happiness. For those who already have experience of the benefits of such an exercise you know how much of a difference it makes, for those who haven’t tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing!

Once we have taken care of our personal human needs, we can approach our goal with a fresh mind and attitude and that is two fold, one to sustain our current circumstances so that they do not get worse and two, to improve it. The solution to both is often the same. In order to be confident, motivated and passionate again about going out there, filling out applications and attending interviews we need to be emotionally charged. We need to be free from all negative self talk and detrimental emotional states. When we meet with our next manager, when we make our next business move, when we meet our next partner, we want to represent our true selves, the self that knows and loves the challenges that life presents and can handle them responsibly rather than reactively. 

The motivation that we are so in need of will come out of doing things that are going to release positive energy flows within us. That means doing something right for ourselves. Go out there and take a walk, run, jog, meditate, breathe well, dance, sing and do what you have to. Talk to people about what is happening in a resourceful manner, share your experience with others and give them guidance on how to deal with the same. Meantime with your new energy consistently make a fresh effort to manage and improve your state of personal security. Remembering that in life everything has a cycle and that change is the only permanence we can rely on, so empower yourself to deal with change.

Confidence is a popular area in coaching. Every client I have worked with has wanted confidence coaching. There is a lot to be said about what confidence actually means to us. It is a very personal concept and means something different to each and everyone of us. This shows just how important an area it is for self discovery and personal development. Confidence can make the difference in our lives because it emphasises our strengths by unveiling and nourishing our unique individual assets.

The way to approach issues around confidence is to embrace the feelings of insecurity with an alert and accepting attitude. Often we can feel overwhelmed and embarrassed by feelings of insecurity, we don’t read them correctly, we try to hide them, deny them, push them away fight them and even fight others over them. These are all a waste of time and energy. In fact we every time we do these things we are harming ourselves. 

Instead the approach that you need to take is a much more pro-active one. This is where the real difference is to be made in your life. When those feelings of insecurity and lacking of confidence arise in you, they are signals that you are not completely happy with yourself and that you need to do some work on yourself. More importantly these feelings are telling you that you need to gather your resources, educate yourself and develop yourself in the particular area that you are feeling the lack. 

The context of where confidence may be lacking will be different each time, maybe it’s work related and needing to train on extra skills or gaining the trust and confidence of your team. Maybe it’s at home and about cooking skills, or being a calmer, happier and more effective parent. In every case the solution is to listen to what your feelings are telling you and to do something about it.  There is a lot that you can do to increase your confidence by developing the part of you that is nagging. The greatest change you can make today is to listen to yourself, do not ignore the signs, they will keep arising and may even produce themselves in other areas of your life. 

Once you can read your emotional signals you are in the driving seat, you can choose whether to see someone about the correct weight change or exercises for your body, you can choose whether to request some additional training at work or increase your opportunities, or get help with draining habits, get counseling to deal with a challenging past, develop your interpersonal skills and to really live your life to the full. Developing confidence is always within your grasp, it is always something that you can take action about. It requires self awarenss and self acceptance with a proactive attitude. Once we have changed our attitude towards confidence, the rest is about a working progress.

NLP or NeuroLinguistic Programming was developed by Bandler and Grinder who studied the behaviour and psychology of excellence in successful people. It uses techniques and exercises that provide simple, yet powerful solutions to those who want real change in themselves.

The benefits of NLP are  many. It evaluates and determines values and beliefs, it uncovers subtle and limiting beliefs and challenges conflicts.  Negation of action and therefore procrastination, self sabotage and dissatisfaction are all down to uncovered and unresolved conflicts. NLP coupled with coaching provide clear and simple solutions.

It works with our thought processes to develop resourceful states and instill new patterns that are useful to us and all those in our sphere of influence. 

However, NLP is so much more than a solution, it is also a strategy. Built upon modeling excellence, it provides strategies for modeling which can be used within any context to achieve excellence.

The results can be seen in the way we manage ourselves; our thoughts, beliefs, states, physiology, behaviours and actions. It therefore allows us to shape ourselves to be whom we choose to be and achieve the results we choose to achieve.

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed or overjoyed with the challenges you face, NLP with coaching is useful. It will push your boundaries and get the most out of you and your life. Coaching is very much related to NLP, it is an experience that will make the difference. Coaching was reserved for executives, leaders, seniors and those who were fortunate. It is now an opportunity that is made available to all and a valuable investment in personal development.

My style of coaching is committed to the successful development of my client. It is thorough, wholesome and effective. I challenge my clients to get the best out of themselves and encourage them to perform effectively. My clients range from creative musicians to corporate managers. Personal growth, personal performance and leadership skills develop excellence  and are not limited by context. They add value to the lives of all those who are fortunate enough to take responsibility for their progress and growth.

If you would like to develop yourself and improve your life and productivity then get in touch for a consultation and take the first step towards a richer more fulfilled way of living.

If you are experiencing any of the following problems at work, and would like professional support with full one to one attention and effective solutions then get in touch. 

I support young corporate individuals to gain an understanding and develop strategies to deal with the following problems:

• Stress
• Insecurity in the work place 
• Bullying
• Crossroads
• Pressure 
• Lack of recognition
• Lack of direction
• Lack of motivation 
• Career moves
• Breakdown in communication 
• Time management
• Work load management
• High level communication
• Conflict management
• Confidence and communication
• Redundancy

If you feel that you are being affected by any of these issues get in touch to see what’s on offer for you. To find out more or to book a session please call or send an email.

Working on ourselves, self improvement and self development have always been a part of who we are as human beings. Always growing, always looking for the better, always trying to achieve more. It’s our natural tendency.

As part of the work that we do on ourselves any sincere developments must be done by way of self observation. Self observation is at first the idea we have of being able to see ourselves for what we are. In practice it is the recording of our habitual ways of thinking, feeling, moving and being in order to develop a backlog of data about ourselves which we can later use to understand and correct ourselves. As we are we need to align ourselves and awaken, this can only be achieved through long term self observation.

Self observation is the key to self consciousness, to knowing ourselves without which there is no work to be done on ourselves. Therefore self observation is the tool for becoming aware, conscious beings. There are many things that stand in the way of self observation; imagination, lack of attention and a lack of understanding about how to correctly observe ourselves. If we succeed to experience self observation we soon realise that we cannot observe ourselves for long periods of time, because our old habits which used to prevent us from observing now won’t let us observe ourselves.

However  it is only by way of observing ourselves that we can correctly arrive to a point of change, real sincere change, in confidence, in stopping bad habits, in understanding why we enter the same failing relationships, why we suffer from depression and anxiety, why we eat the things we do, why we are living and working exactly where we are as who we are and why we love to moan about it.

Self observation is the optimum pathway to any work on oneself and to self consciousness, without which any work done on ourselves is superficially  and temporarily adopted, not understood and will soon fail. Lasting change is the by-product of self observation.

Self observation is the mirror of all truths, sincere and powerful it is the only objective answer that matters, if we can succeed to observe ourselves we soon learn that everything else that we have known till now literally made no sense.

If you would like to learn more about this and be coached contact SelfState.